Sniper leans forward. ‘Big Hammer makes a good point, if ya ask me,’ he says.
Doug’s cheeks go pink. He’s always been bitter that of the two Hammersmith boys I got the cool nickname and everyone just calls him Doug. Sniper calling him Big Hammer at random means a lot to him.
‘I don’t mean to be rude, Hammer,’ Tessa says evenly, ‘but I’m genuinely confused why you still have an issue with the rainbow gear?’
I search for the words. ‘It represents something I’m not.’
‘But youaregay?’ Tessa prods.
‘I am,’ I say. ‘But I’m still, like, a real bloke. Dunno how else to say it. The rainbow stuff makes people see ya a certain way – like camp or whatever. That’s not me.’
‘I think our LGBT advisers would say the rainbow doesn’t automatically mean camp,’ Tessa counters.
‘But it does,’ I say. ‘You can say it doesn’t, but it does. It’s like putting me in a Freo guernsey. You got me all wrong if you do that. Makes me hell uncomfortable. Like I wanna peel my skin off. I can’t explain it any better. Like, I didn’t come out to make youse feel better. I came out to make myself feel better. This rainbow shit doesn’t make me feel better.’
Roo whistles, inclining his head at me as if to saytouché. ‘Look, let’s not get hung up on details today when everything’s fresh,’ he says. He looks at me squarely. ‘Hammer, we’ll work together to find a way forward you’re comfortable with, okay, mate?’
‘You do that,’ Wookie says. ‘In the meantime, I’m glad the persecution of my client can be over. I’m sure he’d like to focus less on rainbow flags and more on winning a premiership flag.’
‘Are you going to tell the whole playing group?’ Roo asks.
‘I’m not sure yet,’ I say, wondering how Tank and Kingy would take it. ‘But if I do, I don’t want it filmed. No pity party. No soppy piano music. No …’
Tessa raises her hands in surrender and chuckles a bit, despite herself. ‘Okay, okay. We get it, Hammer. We get it.’
As we leave the conference room, Doug asks Sniper for a selfie, and while they’re busy, Wookie pulls me aside from everyone else and shakes my hand forcefully.
‘Takes big balls to do that, mate,’ Wookie says gruffly. ‘I don’t judge you for it. You be you. I’m just here to make you money. That said, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t point out you might be offered brand sponsorships as the first gay AFL player. It could be lucrative and repair your public image, too. Sure you don’t want that?’
‘Would rather be forced to play for GWS,’ I say flatly.
‘Nobody deserves that,’ Wookie says sleekly.
We both laugh.
Wookie winks at me. ‘We’ll still have to do something to make you the good guy. A photo op, something you don’t baulk at.’
‘Orright.’
‘And once you’re the golden boy again, we should angle for a sponsorship, make some cashola,’ Wookie goes on. ‘Nothing rainbow, I hear you. Something athletic, something Hammer. How’s that sound?’
‘Bang on, Wookie,’ I grin at him.
He gets me. One real conversation where I tell them all who I am, and people get me. I never thought anyone would get me like this. I thought it was impossible.
Wonder how much happier my life coulda been if I’d been able to say it from the start.
I’m getting into Doug’s Clubsport in the carpark when Oshy calls after me.
‘Might be a minute,’ I tell Doug.
‘No wuckers, I need a dart anyway,’ Doug replies, yanking his smokes out.
Oshy’s hands linger at his sides awkwardly, like he doesn’t know what to offer me since we already hugged it out at the end of the meeting.
‘What’s up, mate?’ I prod.
‘Dunno know how to say this, cos we haven’t always gotten along,’ Oshy says. ‘But I meant what I said in my post about Pride. Whether it’s your jam or not. If there’s a gay player in our team, I said he’d be welcomed. I do welcome you. If any of the boys give you shit, let me know and I’ll sort it out, okay?’
