He took her hand in his, linking his fingers through hers, enclosing it in his other hand. “You have no idea,” he said, his dark-brown eyes steady on hers. “I have not been able to stop thinking about you.”
Milly felt her heartbeat race. She’d never felt this kind of longing, and it had been years since she’d felt seen, wanted. But even then, it was never like this. As he studied her, she couldn’t help wondering what he saw in her. Jack and Debbie’s mother? A lonely housewife? Or could he somehow see the woman trapped inside? She’d been thinking of him far too much since their night together, her yearning stretching out in all directions, but to know he thought of her too was shocking. She wanted to know more:Whathad he been thinking, specifically? But she also needed to calm her thoughts and racing heart, to be levelheaded, sensible, so she brought the conversation back to the present. “So you know your way around this thing, but tell me more,” she said. “Why a boat?”
He laughed. “My dad used to take me out on his boat when I was little, and Luke too sometimes; it was kind of our thing. I used to love it. So peaceful, so calm. Just us, away from the distractions in his life, away from school, away from home. I looked after Luke a lot. Mom hated it when Dad drank; she’d lock herself in her room, away from him.” He looked out to the other yachts moored in the marina. “Anyway, once he stated drinking more, he couldn’t keep up with themaintenance. Boats are a lot of work, and it became too much for him, so he sold it. I was devastated when I found out. I always told myself I would buy one someday, reclaim the peace that it brought me as a kid. I’ve been saving for it ever since. I figure now’s as good a time as any: I’ve got to find a place to live anyway, and I didn’t think you’d let me stay in your guesthouse.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Listen, Wes,” she said turning toward him, “that night that we spent together, it was the most incredible night of my life. I will never be able to forget how you made me feel. I didn’t even know that was possible, that kind of”—she blushed but forced herself to go on—“that kind of pleasure.” Just saying the words seemed to raise her body temperature, and he ran his hand up her arm, but she stopped him. “But I’m still a married woman, I have children, it’s complicated; you don’t need complicated. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.”
“Milly,” he said, his dark eyes searing into hers. “I don’t expect anything from you. I know you have a life here, and I will not bother you. I just had to see you again.”
“I’m glad,” she said. “We didn’t have enough time.”
Milly forced herself to stand. As much as she needed him to understand that this could not go on, she couldn’t bear the thought of this being the last time, and she didn’t want to dwell on that in these moments they had together now. “You want to show me around?” she asked, opening the cabin door. He nodded and led her down the short ladder to a tiny kitchenette with two burners, a small built-in sofa and drop-down table, a washroom, and a full-size bed. His head was half an inch from touching the ceiling. “It’s a small space for a tall, strapping man like you,” she said. “Are you going to manage OK in here?”
“I’ll be fine,” he said. “I’ll get a grill for the deck, but I’m going to be at work a lot. I’ll be down here mostly to sleep.”
“I don’t know much about boats, but this one seems like a winner,”Milly said, looking around at the navy-and-white-striped sofa cover and matching bedspread and pillows. “It’s adorable.”
Wes stepped toward her in the cramped space and took her face in his hands. “You’re adorable,” he said, pulling her to him.
“Wes,” she whispered.
Just one small touch from him and it made her woozy. He moved his hand down her neck to her collarbone, tracing the line to her shoulder, examining her.
“God damn,” he said. “You are so beautiful.”
Just hearing his words, feeling his breath so close to her, she thought she might unravel all over again.
When he finally kissed her, running his hand down the side of her body, caressing the curve of her breast, she melted into him, craving his touch, wanting more, desperately needing him. “I can’t,” she whispered, kissing him again as if it might be the last time their lips touched. “I have to get back.” But even as she said it, her heart pounding under his urgent touch, she knew she wasn’t leaving, not yet.
Later, he stood on the slip and watched her leave. She’d stayed much longer than she’d planned, two hours longer, but she just couldn’t pry herself away. After they made love once, he found new ways to make her stay. She could feel his eyes on her as she walked away, and she wished she didn’t have to leave. She yearned to fall asleep in his arms, just one time, the gentle rocking of the water below them, but that was impossible; she needed to get back to the children, and she’d insisted she could walk home alone. On the way, she tried to imagine having him living so close to her. At first it worried her—how would she have any willpower?—but by the time she reached her house and walked past the guest cottage where that heated night had unfolded, she had begun to give herself permission.
I don’t belong to Lloyd, she told herself. I don’t have to be obedientand faithful to a man who wants nothing to do with me. Lloyd put me in this position: He’s withheld attention from me for months, years even. He clearly has a lover. Why couldn’t she see Wes? She rationalized the crazy, reckless thoughts racing through her mind. Why shouldn’t she be happy? She deserved to be happy, to be desired. She deserved to feel something real.
She opened the back door to the kitchen realizing she had no grocery bags to show for herself, and Leticia rushed into the kitchen.
“Ah, gracias a Dios,” she said.
“Is everything OK?” Milly asked.
“Es Jack. Está triste,” she touched her face as if to show tears. “Es el padre.”
“His father?” Milly began to panic. “Where?” She touched her face and smoothed her hair back, wondering if her lips, swollen and raw from so much urgency, would give her away.
“Ya se fue.” She pointed out the front door.
“Se fue?” Milly repeated, not understanding.
Leticia placed her hands on an imaginary steering wheel and acted out Lloyd driving away.
“He left?” she asked. “He came here and then he left?”
“Yes,si,” Leticia said.
“Did he see me?” she asked frantically. “Did he see me leave with the… my friend?”
Leticia looked at her blankly.
“Did he see me? Did he ask about me?” But it was no use. “Oh God. Is Jack awake?” Milly asked.
