He looks me in the eyes. His are still glowing. “Filled with opportunities. For power, for vengeance, for money, for happiness.” He smiles when he says happiness. “But you need to learn how to navigate the negotiations without letting the feelings get in the way.”
“What negotiations? With the Guild? I’m not negotiating shit with those people.”
He looks away and shrugs one shoulder, like he’s no longer interested in my problems.
Which annoys me. “Why are you here?”
“Because your emotions got in the way and I’m stuck in the purple.” He slowly turns his head to look back at me. “We’re wasting time here. You need to let me out.”
“I don’t even know how to do that. And if we’re all betrayed eventually, what’s the point? What’s the point of any of it? Nothing’s permanent in this world. Even winning is nothing more than a temporary reprieve from being the loser.”
He smiles at me. “Now you’re catching on.”
I wait for him to say more, but he goes quiet. And then he starts to fade.
“Wait!” I reach over, trying to grab his shoulder, but he’s gone. Like he was never here.
And he wasn’t. I’m going insane. I’m fucking psycho.
And I’m not going to let him out. He wants to turn me into a breeder. I won’t. I was falling for it in the last encounter. But he was… seducing me.
Really, Syrsee? That’s your lame excuse? He was seducing you?
Fine. I will admit this, to myself, at least, that I was… turned on.
But I’ve been betrayed a lot of times over the past few months. I’m learning. I might not be the quickest woman when it comes to untwisting the twisted plans of the Guild and Paul, but I’m learning.
I’m not going to set him free. It’s still possible that I can just… walk away from all of it.
Even… Ryet. Potentially. I mean, he’s pretty sick. He could still die. And if he did?—
“Oh, Syrsee.” I shake my head. “That’s not the answer and you know it.”
Maybe Icouldget away. Leave Paul in the purple, let Ryet waste away, pretend that I never knew Zusi. Maybe… do some magic to cloak myself the way my grandma did. Somehow figureit out. Find a… abookstore witchwho knows more than most to help me. If I put my mind to it, I think I could make it work.
But I would be alone again. And while I wasn’t alone all growing up—I was literally in the middle of a magical school filled with other magical kids—Ifeltalone. And it was the worst feeling ever. Zusi made it better, but that was a lie. And I don’t even think I could take a lie right now, let alone a truly singular existence.
A bookstore witch who knows more than most isn’t going to fill the emptiness inside me.
Ryet could, though.
And, I have to reluctantly admit, Paul could too.
He’s not lying. Not about this. He’s telling me the truth. He’s trying to, at least. I’m sure there’s more. A lot more. And I don’t think I’m ready for more right now. I’m still trying to deal with what’s in front of me.
So I understand that Paul is tricking me. I know it. I feel it. And even if Ryet isn’t, Paul is tricking him too. Tricking him into tricking me.
I get up and go back inside. The smells are still there and my stomach is still upset, but I can’t run from this. I need to figure it out right now.
This is when I remember the vials on the kitchen counter. I walk over to them, picking them up one at a time so I can study their labels. ‘Despair.’ ‘Loneliness.’ ‘Regret.’ ‘Contempt.’ ‘Estrangement.’ ‘Fear.’ ‘Shame.’ ‘Guilt.’
All things I feel in this very moment.
Then I glance at the jars. They are empty, but they still have their labels on them. ‘Thirst.’ ‘Hunger.’ ‘Gasping.’ ‘Purging.’ ‘Chills.’ ‘Sweats.’ ‘Fatigue.’
They are all physical symptoms. And Ryet ate them all.
I look towards the bedroom and see his sweaty bruise-colored body lying face down on the bed. Those wings of hisdraped over his shoulders. The one on the side facing me is drooping over the side of the bed, spread out along the hardwood floor.
