16 - Syrsee
It was the worst feeling ever.
Iread the namesof the files off in my head. ‘Syrsee’s Ancestors.’ ‘Syrsee’s Dreams.’ ‘Syrsee’s Nightmares.’ ‘Syrsee’s Diet.’ ‘Syrsee’s Education.’ ‘Syrsee’s Habits.’
But it’s the last folder that makes me stop and hold my breath.
‘Syrsee and Paul.’
All the rest of it is interesting. Especially the ancestors. Ireallyneed the complete Ice Maiden-sea dragon story.
But it’s the folder with Paul’s name that I click first.
I expect there to be documents. Maybe some photos. But it’s… a presentation. A PowerPoint presentation.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I just stare at the little icon sitting all by itself in the folder for a few moments before I even have the ability to close my shocked-open mouth and click back out. I move the cursor over to the folder that says ‘Syrsee’s Dreams,’ click, and find the same thing. One PowerPoint file.
I check them all, but the results are all the same.
She gave presentations on me.
The anger, the hate, the… the… theloathingI feel for my former best friend right now is nauseating. My whole body goes hot. I break out in a sweat. Suddenly, I can smell everything. The wood in this cabin, the lingering scent of food from the kitchen, even the garbage can. All of it makes me want to vomit.
I put the phone down, sure this is going to happen, and then rush to the front door, go outside onto the porch, and bend over, holding on to the railing.
It’s nighttime. I didn’t even realize that. But it’s a good thing because the air is still cold from a lingering winter and after a few moments I feel better and lower myself to the top step, head in my hands.
That website, it’s a gut punch.
“It’s reality, Syrsee.” I say this out loud, but in my head it comes out in Paul’s voice. And it’s his voice, in my head, that continues, not mine. “Zusi cannot change who she is any more than you can. You don’t have to take it all so personally.”
“So personally?” I turn my head and look at lavender Paul. Is he here? Is he there? I don’t know. But I feel like I’m at the end of some kind of line here. I’ve reached a limit and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t cope. “She betrayed me, Paul.”
“Everyone betrays everyone eventually.” He sighs, leaning back against the porch railing. He looks normal right now. I mean, he’s hazy and covered in a purple mist. But he’s wearing regular clothes. Things Ryet might wear. Jeans, and a t-shirt, and a leather jacket that looks like it was born five or six decades ago. His hair is a little messy too. And he’s got stubble on his face.
He looks kinda hot, actually.
Not hot, like how he usually looks. He usually looks put-together hot. In-control hot. Alpha-male hot. This is… everyday-man hot. Just some guy trying to make his way in this world.
In other words, hot like Ryet.
“That can’t be true.”
Paul slowly turns his head to look at me. His eyes are purple. Like violet purple. And they are glowing. “Given enough time all alliances turn.”
“It wasn’t an alliance, Paul. It was a friendship.” But then I shake my head and put up a hand. “No. It wasn’t a friendship. I thought it was a friendship, but this whole time—the entire time I was there at the Guild—she was a spy.”
Paul looks at me thoughtfully. “She didn’t know you when she accepted the job.”
“Why are you sticking up for her?”
“I’m not. I’m just playing devil’s advocate. Thinking clearly is a skill you need to learn. You can’t just go off emotions, Syrsee. It won’t help in the end.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“Your future is filled with…” He pauses here so he can choose his words carefully.
And this makes me sigh. “Filled withwhat?”
