“Two summers ago. Three days before you left.”
My heart sinks. The day we were supposed to meet at our beach. The day my heart began to fail.
“He asked me to keep quiet because he wanted to tell her. But I only lasted a week, and when I told her she was devastated. They tried to work it out for a while, but she said she’d lost all trust in him. The divorce shit was the worst, all these stupid little fights over money and where we would live.”
We’re quiet for a beat as I rack my brain, thinking of what to say.
“Fuck” is all that comes out of my mouth.
Luke laughs. Sudden and loud.
“What?!” I ask, laughing along with him.
“Nothing, just, I don’t think I’ve heard you swear like that before. But yeah…fuck.”
The moment sits lightly between us, and Luke takes the opportunity to keep talking.
“I know I wasn’t easy to deal with that summer, but they’d never fought before, and I really needed you.”
“I know.” I swallow and take a long, deep breath, the words on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t want them to sound like an excuse.
We’re quiet for a little longer. I watch the shadows dance on the water as a small group of minnows swims by, terns following in the purpling sky above.
“The first time I went out on the boat without my dad, Oliver fell over,” Luke says, breaking the silence. “I wasn’t paying attention, and he was too close to the edge when I made a sharp turn.”
“Yikes. That must have been terrifying.”
“Yeah. I freaked. If Izzy hadn’t been there, it would’ve taken me way longer to get him. I completely blanked on how to turn back when it happened.”
I try not to feel jealous at the mention of Izzy’s name, but the feeling blooms in my stomach anyway. Luke is watching me carefully while I squirm. He doesn’t miss much, I think.
“I’m glad she was there,” I say.
He runs a hand through his windswept hair.
“Me too. Izzy…she’s a good friend. She was there when my parents were fighting. She listened, but she also didn’t let me get away with any bullshit,” he says with a sad smile.
I think about Maddy accepting my diagnosis and not treating me any differently. My eyes well a little. “I know people like that. They’re really great to have around.”
“No kidding. I almost didn’t sign up for baseball again senior year, and she tore me a new one.” He laughs. “Said something about how I could grow up once I was done with high school.”
“I’m liking her more and more,” I say.
“I knew you would,” he says, meeting my eyes.
“Okay,” I say. I look out at the water, the harbor entry lightsflashing on their buoys. I hear the tinny sound of ’90s classic rock coming from one of the boats down the dock. “But she’s not your best friend, right? Because that’s my job,” I say with a smirk.
“You were.” He leans forward, pulling his knees up and resting his arms across them. “Why did you stop?”
“I didn’t,” I try slowly. “I just…I got scared,” I admit. This is the closest I’ve come to talking about the night I bailed on him and then found him with Izzy. I meet his gaze and ask the next thing. “Why did you ask me to meet you at our beach?” I say quietly.
It’s his turn to pause, consider his words. I watch him swallow, rub his palms against his eyes.
“I don’t know,” he says at last, looking away.
“I don’t believe you,” I push. I want him to say the full truth, and then I can finally off-load mine.
Luke scooches closer, his injured knee touching my thigh. His hand comes to rest with just his thumb over mine on the damp wood. I don’t flinch away. My heart races, and every little edge of the hope I’ve tried to scratch out of my heart strains to fill itself in.
