“Hey, you okay?” Luke asked, looking at me through tired eyes.
“Yeah, fine. I just…” My head was still spinning, and I wouldn’t know it for more than a month, but my heart was struggling right there without my knowing. “I don’t like the smell of the beer,” I said.
Luke leaned away from me. We sat in silence as the fireworks went off. After the finale, my ears were ringing. The shimmer and crackle of the last explosion was raining down on the water, but the silence was still there between us. And it only grew.
Now, as I try to find Maddy in the crowd, I’m having trouble with my emotions. I can’t stop picking them apart. I look down at my outfit. Was I trying to get Luke’s attention tonight, withmy scar peeking out and the cute red bra under my white tank? Maybe. Ugh. I don’t know.
“There you are!” Maddy finds me and pulls me out of my head and over to her beach blanket. I’m a little surprised when Luke and Izzy join us, since they seemed so happy just the two of them, but Maddy makes space for them right next to us, even though I wish she wouldn’t.
“Hey,” Luke says, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. He’s relaxed, happy, and I wonder how much he’s had to drink.
“Hi,” I mutter, moving my eyes from him to Izzy, who is carrying a giant stuffed octopus I mistook as a pillow when I saw them before. She’s wearing it draped over her shoulder like it’s part of her outfit.
“Nice sea creature,” Maddy says, squishing one of the orange tentacles.
“Luke won it for me,” Izzy says, gushing, as Maddy helps reposition it a little.
I tell the jealousy in my stomach to chill out even though I want to scream.
“I’m going to grab a Popsicle,” I say, turning and leaving before offering to get anyone anything.
I throw my brushed-until-silky hair up into a messy bun as I walk and pull my sweatshirt on even though it’s not that cool yet. I want to erase all the evidence of my efforts to try and look nice. I wish I’d worn pj’s and maybe a paper bag over my head. The Popsicle line is long, but I need the time to cool off, so I step to the back and start scrolling through my photos. I’m looking for a photo I took of Maddy at the diner weeks ago when I land on a picture I took of Luke’s drawing the night ofthe barbecue. I pause and zoom in, admiring how he made so much movement happen with so few lines. I text it to Iris, asking her what she thinks.
“Hey.” Luke surprises me from behind and I almost drop my phone.
“Whoa.” I turn, annoyed. “Hi, again. Are you following me?” It comes out harsher than I mean it to.
“No, I just can’t resist a Firecracker pop,” he says. He smiles, and I give him a tight-lipped one back, then continue looking at my phone. Summer, summer, graduation, prom, Iris’s show in Boston—my year flickering across my screen while Luke stands there.
“Are you mad at me or something?” he asks.
“Nope,” I try, but even I can hear the bitterness in my voice. I slip my phone into my back pocket.
“Yes, you are, Sera. I can tell. Why?”
He’s really trying to be nice, which is why I’m so pissed at myself when all I can say is “Are you dating Izzy?”
“No.” He looks legitimately confused. “Izzy and I aren’t dating. We’re just friends. Likeweare. Or we’re supposed to be. Do younotwant to be friends?” He takes a step closer, and I flinch away.
“You two are friends with, like, benefits, though, right?”
He sighs and steps back again. “Why do you care? Aren’t you doing the same with that rich kid? Jackson?”
“No.” I waver. “But it’s casual. He knows that.”
“Right. Well, same with me and Izzy.”
“You clearly like her a lot,” I accuse him. “What’s up with claiming it’s not serious?”
“It’s not like that,” Luke says, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Cool. Well, you fooled me. Ever consider you might be fooling her too?”
Luke stares at me, and I want to shove him like we’re ten and he’s just broken my Lego Millenium Falcon into its individual pieces.
“Look, I just want our friendship back.” His voice is calm, low. I want to tuck myself up inside it. “I thought you wanted that too.”
I look down at my shoes. If I could’ve just followed through with what I said by acting like his friend instead of a jealous kid, we wouldn’t be here.
