“Yes!” Lois jumps up and makes a beeline for the kitchen. “Who wants an empowered-woman smoothie?”
“Can you whip up something that’ll take a man down, instead?” Becca smirks. “If so, gimme a gallon for my darling Carter.”
Prudence perks up. “What’s your latest argument about?”
“He wants a dog. A fucking dog, you know?” She sighs. “I mean, what the hell?”
“Maybe he wants some company during the day,” Lois cries out over the blender.
“Trust me, he gets enough company. Know what he did the other day? I was on all fours on his bed, and—”
“I think we can fill in the blanks!” I cover my ears.
“I can’t.” Hope chuckles. “Carry on, dear.”
“I was feeling good. I was feelingrealgood, as a matter of fact. And then, just as I was getting—”
“Cartered?” I finish for her.
She nods eagerly. “Yup, that. Right in the middle of the action, I hear him say—and I quote—‘Maybe an Australian shepherd is too much.’?”
I glance at Lois. She’s bent over double.
“What did you say to that?”
“I told him I planned on getting a Doberman,” she says darkly. “One I would rear on a diet of pure man blood.”
“Oh God…” Lois slides five glasses on the table.
“He’d be called Castrator, and I would train him to go for Cart’s—”
Becca’s phone rings. She stares at it for a beat, before swiping it off the table and picking up.
I can make out a male voice across the airwaves, and considering the shadow dancing over Becca’s features, I’m pretty sure I know who it is.
“Speak of the devil. I was just telling the girls howamazinga dog-hide rug would look in the living room!” She smiles sweetly. “Consider yourself warned, Carter. No dogs! Not even a cute one! Your balls depend on it.” She softens. “Love you, boo.” She thinks for a moment. “Wait, I take it back. I don’t love you,” she corrects, “and you’re not my boo. Not today, anyway.”
Just before she hangs up, tinny laughter fills the air.
“It’s like that guyknowswhen I’m talking shit about him.”
Hope sucks on her straw. “I like dogs.”
“It’s a slippery slope, though. Today, it’s a dog. What’ll it be tomorrow? A kid?” Becca dry heaves. “Take it from me, ladies. Don’t let a pretty face and a big—”
“Stop!” Lois and I blurt out at the same time.
I take a sip on my smoothie and swipe at my phone, firing off a message.
CARRIE:Tip of the day
If you want to get a dog, be strategic about it.
WOLINSKILLMENOW:I’ve had a few beers. Did you mean to write ‘if you want to get it on’?
CARRIE:Get what on?
Backtrack, backtrack.
