‘I love you.’
His arms tightened around her. ‘And I love you. More than life.’
There was something final in the way he said it. Clara wanted to ask what he was thinking, what plans were forming behind those careful blue eyes, but sleep was pulling her under. Tomorrow would bring its own challenges. Tonight, she was safe in his arms.
As she drifted off to sleep, she could feel Friedrich’s vigilance in the way he held her. Protective. Desperate but quietly determined.
Chapter 29
Clara awoke the next morning, still in Friedrich’s arms, but despite this reassurance, the events of the previous night crashed over her in waves. The memory of Fuchs’s hands, his breath and the weight of his body made her stomach lurch violently. She tried to slip out of bed as quietly as possible, but the nausea overwhelmed her and she found herself darting across the hallway to the bathroom, dry heaving over the toilet bowl.
As ever, Friedrich was there for her, rubbing her back, offering her a cold flannel and a glass of water. ‘Liebling, what’s wrong?’
Clara sat back on her heels, accepting the cool cloth gratefully. ‘I was thinking about last night.’ It wasn’t entirely untrue. ‘My body is just rejecting everything about what happened.’
‘That’s understandable,’ Friedrich said gently, though concern creased his brow. ‘Perhaps you should stay home today.’
Clara shook her head, though the movement made her feel worse. ‘I can’t let him win by keeping me trapped in this apartment. I must go to work.’ She had to put thoughts of Fuchs out of her mind. How on earth was she going to carry on if just the memory of him made her this sick?
By the time Clara had arrived for work at the Wilmersdorf Geburtsklinik she was feeling much better and more in control of her thoughts and emotions. She just had to keep it this way. Keep thoughts of Fuchs locked away and any time they managed to slip through, she replaced them with good thoughts – ones of Friedrich and how much he loved her. It was the best way to deal with the ordeal. At least when she reported to the police station next time, she knew she wouldn’t have to face Fuchs.
‘You are looking pale today, Frau Bergmann,’ commented one of her colleagues when they were halfway through the morning clinic. ‘Is everything all right?’
‘I’m fine, thank you. Just a little tired, that’s all.’ She smiled reassuringly at her colleague, and it seemed to do the trick. She had taken time to apply makeup to cover the grazing on her cheek and the swelling to her lip had gone down. After that, Clara made a conscious effort to appear more buoyant than she felt despite the sickness she had experienced first thing that morning. The possibility she had tried hard to dismiss as a foolish idea could no longer be ignored – before the attack, she had conceived. Her concern now was that nothing would go wrong. That would be the cruellest twist of fate.
By the time the morning clinic had finished, and she’d taken her lunch, she was just about to leave to start her afternoon rounds when her superior, Frau Lange, came hurrying through to find her.
‘Ah, Frau Bergmann, I’ve just had a telephone call from Frau Müller. Her contractions have started.’
‘Are they strong?’ asked Clara, mentally calculating how close Ursula was to her due date. It was less than seven days, so probably was the real thing.
‘Every ten minutes at the moment,’ said Lange. ‘But she’s very concerned, naturally. I’ve told her I’ll send you to her immediately.’
‘Of course,’ replied Clara. Poor Ursula. She could imagine how stressful this was for her. ‘And my afternoon rounds?’
‘I’ll get someone else to cover those.’ Lange consulted the clipboard she was holding. ‘You’re due to finish your shift at six o’clock. I’ll make sure someone is there to replace you.’
‘Erm, actually, I would like to stay for the birth,’ said Clara. ‘I think Frau Müller would appreciate that too.’
Lange looked at her for a moment, then gave a small nod. ‘Very well. But I will call you later to see what the progress is. If you feel you need another midwife, let me know. If there are any complications at all, contact me immediately.’
Clara nodded. ‘Of course, Frau Lange.’
‘Make sure you have everything you need with you. Stock up from the store cupboard.’
Clara headed to the supply room, her mind racing through what she might need for a potentially long labour. She methodically gathered the standard birthing supplies of clean towels, antiseptic solution, scissors and suturing materials. As she reached for a second bottle of ergot extract, she paused. Her recent visits to the Jewish quarter had depleted her personal emergency supplies.
Taking advantage of Frau Lange’s instruction to ‘stock up’ Clara discreetly added a few extra items to her medical bag. An additional vial of morphine for pain relief, some iron tablets she’d been meaning to replace and extra gauze bandages. She also slipped in a small bottle of iodine and some clean needles. Basic supplies that could mean the difference between life and death for mothers who had nowhere else to turn. If anyone questioned the quantity, she could simply say she was preparing for a potentially difficult delivery.
Clara arrived at the Müller house to find Ursula pacing the living room, one hand pressed to her lower back, the other cradling her swollen belly. Kaiser trotted anxiously at her heels, whimpering softly as if sensing his mistress’s distress.
‘Oh, Clara, thank goodness you’re here,’ Ursula breathed, pausing as another contraction gripped her. She held onto the back of the sofa. ‘They’re getting stronger.’
Clara immediately went to her, timing the contraction on her pocket watch. ‘How long did that one last?’
‘About thirty seconds, I think.’ Ursula’s face was flushed, perspiration beading on her forehead.
‘Good. That’s normal for this stage.’ Clara helped guide her to the chaise longue. ‘Let’s get you comfortable. Have you been able to eat anything?’
