‘I love you,’ Friedrich answered. ‘Whatever comes, we face it together.’
Chapter 22
December 1939
The December wind bit into Clara’s face as she left the clinic for her regular afternoon home visits. As she made her way through the streets, she couldn’t help noticing how different everything seemed this year. There was no scent of Lebkuchen, the spiced cakes and biscuits, from the bakery she passed, no children’s voices singing carols. Even the Christmas markets seemed subdued. It was as if the city itself was holding its breath.
She finally arrived at Ursula’s an hour later than intended.
‘So sorry,’ she said. ‘I’ve been back and forth across the city countless times this afternoon.’
‘It’s just nice to see you,’ said Ursula and then in a low voice. ‘Hans is home early today.’ She pulled a worried sort of expression.
‘Is everything all right?’ asked Clara.
Ursula nodded, although her frown deepened. She beckoned Clara through to the living room, closing the door behind them. ‘He was up early this morning. There was some sort of big relocation organised, but it didn’t really go to plan.’
Clara remembered Friedrich’s regular warnings about not coming across as too interested. ‘Oh dear, that’s a shame. Everyone is under a lot of pressure right now.’
‘Exactly that,’ said Ursula. ‘He’s got to write a report about what went wrong.’
‘Try not to let it worry you, though,’ said Clara. ‘I don’t want your blood pressure rising. You’re doing so well.’ She unpacked her equipment from her bag, silently thanking the network. The list she had copied from Hans Müller’s briefcase the week before was longer than usual and she suspected the authorities were increasing their efforts in relocating pregnant women and babies. She’d found supporting documentation among the file with a map showing where exactly they were going to begin a sweep of neighbourhoods. After leaving it for Max she had no idea if they would have time to intervene but from what Ursula had just said, it seemed they had – thank goodness
‘Clara? Is everything all right?’
She looked up realising Ursula was talking to her. ‘What? Yes. Sorry. I couldn’t find my stethoscope. Here it is.’ She pulled it out of the bag like a magician producing a rabbit. ‘Sorry, what were you saying?’
Ursula laughed. ‘I was just saying the baby has been wriggling around a lot today. The head feels as if it’s really pushing down.’
‘That’s a good sign,’ said Clara. ‘Your baby is getting into position.’
Clara carried out her examination of Ursula and spent some time chatting with her, before making some supper for the Müllers. She had to keep everything as she usually would. Hans appeared from his study at six o’clock to take Kaiser for his walk. He looked tired and drawn, with dark circles under his eyes.
He said good evening to Clara and enquired how her day had been, but other than that he didn’t speak.
‘He looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders,’ said Ursula. ‘All to do with last night.’
‘Hopefully whatever happened was a one-off,’ said Clara, slipping on her coat and avoiding Ursula’s gaze.
‘Hope so. It is strange though.’
‘What is?’ Clara’s fingers stilled on her coat buttons.
‘How it went wrong. Several of the families that were being relocated had already left their homes.’ Ursula made slow circles with her finger on the arm of the sofa, her voice thoughtful. ‘Hans said they’ve just vanished into thin air. No one knows where they are.’
‘Perhaps they went to relatives?’ suggested Clara, choosing her words like stepping stones across dangerous water. She hoped her voice conveyed the right amount of disinterest.
‘Imagine that, though,’ continued Ursula, her voice dropping slightly. ‘Not being allowed to live where you want. Being forcibly moved elsewhere.’
‘I wouldn’t like it, I must admit,’ replied Clara. She reached for her bag, eager to escape the conversation. ‘I should go now.’
‘You know, I don’t blame them for going into hiding, if that’s what they’ve done.’ Ursula’s voice carried a pointed edge as she held Clara’s gaze. ‘In fact, between you and me, I say good for them.’
Clara’s hand tightened on her bag handle. Was this some kind of test? She felt trapped between agreement and suspicion. ‘I suppose anyone would want to protect their family,’ she said carefully.
‘Yes. You’re right.’ Ursula smoothed her hand over her pregnant stomach. ‘I’ve not even met this little person yet and I know I would do whatever it took to keep him or her safe.’
‘It’s a mother’s instinct,’ said Clara. She watched Ursula’s protective gesture and felt that occasional, but familiar, ache settle in her chest – the one that caught her unawares at moments like this. Clara had made peace with her childless state long ago, found purpose and joy in bringing other women’s babies safely into the world. But sometimes, witnessing the fierce love already blooming in an expectant mother’s eyes, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have her own child and to know that particular brand of protective devotion.
