I could only nod.
‘What’s wrong?’ Marcel looked down at me. We had met in the forest later that morning. Despite my best intentions not to be overwrought with emotion, as soon as I saw him, I felt my heart crumple.
‘I’m being sent back to Paris,’ I said, trying not to let the sob escape my throat.
Marcel frowned. ‘When? Why?’
‘Next week. The harvest is over and I’m an extra mouth to feed. My mother wants me back home.’
Marcel pulled me in to his chest and wrapped his arms around me, kissing the top of my head. He didn’t say anything. I wanted him to say he was going to miss me and that he didn’t want this to happen. That he had some way to fix it so that I could stay. But he said nothing.
‘I don’t want to go,’ I said, almost prompting him to agree with me. ‘I want to stay here with you.’ I pulled away from the embrace. ‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’
‘I’m thinking,’ he said, a frown creasing his forehead. Then his expression changed and his eyes lit up. ‘This could be a good thing.’
‘A good thing?’
‘I’ve been looking for an opportunity to get closer to the Germans in Paris. We need more intelligence about what they have planned,’ said Marcel. ‘I need to speak to my contacts, but with your help, I think I know how we could do this.’
I looked at him, momentarily lost for words, but then they came. ‘Is that all you can think of?’ I asked. ‘Does it not worry you I am leaving?’
He closed his eyes for a moment and drew his hand down his face. When he looked at me again, there was sorrow in his expression. ‘I’m sorry, Nathalie. I’m such an idiot. Come here.’ He cupped my face and kissed me gently on the mouth. ‘I got ahead of myself.’
‘Is that all you see me as? A source of information?’
‘Of course not. I promise you.’ He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. ‘You mean so much more to me than that. The thought of you leaving here hurts terribly. It terrifies me but I can’t forget the bigger picture. The reason I’m here. It wasn’t to fall in love.’
I knew what he was saying was right and I couldn’t deny that it hurt, but the last sentence took the sting out of it somewhat. ‘Fall in love?’
His thumbs stroked the sides of my face. ‘Yes. I’ve fallen in love with you and that was never meant to happen.’
Any anger or sadness I felt disappeared. Marcel loved me. I covered his hands with my own. ‘I love you too,’ I whispered. Tears filled my eyes, partly because of the relief of saying the words to each other and partly because I knew we only had a week left together. ‘How are we going to do this?’
He kissed me on the mouth again. ‘I’ve no idea,’ he replied. ‘But I’ll think of something. Hard as it might be, we’re going to use this to our advantage. I promise I’ll be here for you. I’ll do everything I can to be near you, somehow. Just leave it with me. I need to speak to the right people, but I have to know if you’re willing to help?’
I knew in that moment that I would do anything for Marcel, but I wasn’t doing it purely for him. I was also doing it for my country and for Edgar. ‘I’ll do whatever I can. Whatever you ask of me, I’ll do it.’
The next week passed by in a blur. I saw Marcel every morning and sometimes again in the evening. We knew it was risky, but we also knew we had limited time with each other. We made love whenever we could and each time was more intense, more urgent and more loving than the one before. I had no doubt in my mind how much I cared for this man, even though I didn’t know his real name or anything about him.
On the last night before I was due to go back to Paris, I crept out of the farmhouse to meet with Marcel.
‘I never want to let you go,’ I said as I snuggled under the blanket in his hut at the camp. ‘I wish I could stay here in the forest. I could help the other women.’
‘I wouldn’t let you do that,’ replied Marcel. ‘Much as I love you, this is no place for a woman. If it were down to me, then there wouldn’t be any women here.’
He squeezed me against his chest. ‘I had news today,’ he said, as he lit a cigarette with his free hand. ‘There’s a job for you at the Ritz when you get back to Paris.’
I sat bolt upright, the blanket dropping from my shoulders. ‘The Ritz?’
Marcel smiled. He sat up, too, and reached for my blouse, draping it over my shoulders. I slipped my arms in and he slowly fastened the buttons. ‘Yes, the Ritz.’
‘What will I do there?’
‘Housemaid.’
‘Cleaning?’
‘Yes. I’m sure you know how to do that but, of course, we both know the real reason you’ll be there,’ he said, pressing the end of my nose with his forefinger. ‘You will be our eyes and ears. Don’t tell anyone you speak fluent German. You just need to stay in the background, not draw attention to yourself, be like a ghost. All you have to do is report back what you see and hear.’
