He frowned and glanced down at the ground. ‘What is it?’ I could tell, whatever it was, it was troubling him greatly. I hated that at just twenty years old, he had the worry and weight on his shoulders of someone twice his age.
‘I may not be here for much longer,’ he said.
‘What are you talking about?’ I knew Papa was waiting for us, but I was very confused by Edgar’s statement.
‘I’m thinking of going underground.’
‘Underground? The Resistance?’ I whispered the words, not daring to say them any louder, not least because I didn’t want Papa to hear.
Edgar nodded. ‘I want to do more. Passing on bits of information, gossip from the officers in the shop. It’s not doing much. You could do that anyway. You speak German better than I do.’
It was true. I was proficient in both English and German, but I kept it quiet. In fact, Papa had insisted neither of us ever let it be known that we spoke German. The thought of Edgar leaving and joining the underground network filled me with dread. ‘You’d be in so much danger. What would Maman think?’
‘She would think I was stupid and brave. Just as you and Papa would.’ He said it with such confidence, and I couldn’t argue. It was true.
‘But she would also be scared. We all would.’
‘I know, but I don’t want to sit around doing nothing, when I know I can do so much more.’ His eyes lit up with excitement.
‘This is serious, Edgar,’ I said. ‘It’s not a game. It’s life or death. If they catch you, you will be killed. Obviously, before that, you will be tortured for days or weeks.’
He stood a little straighter. Already taller than me by several inches. ‘I know. I am prepared to die for my country.’
The pride I felt for my brother was immense. I could tell from the look in his eyes and the set of his jaw that he meant it. He would do this with or without his family’s blessing. ‘Are you going to tell Papa?’
He shook his head. ‘No. He will try to talk me out of it. It will cause too much tension and I don’t want to argue with Maman.’
‘So telling me is the easy option. I have to break the news to them?’ I didn’t relish the thought in the slightest, but I understood what Edgar meant.
‘If you don’t mind?’
‘I don’t have a choice. When will you leave?’
‘Probably by the end of the week. I will go in the night.’
‘I will miss you,’ I whispered. I stepped forward and hugged him. ‘Please be careful.’
‘I will miss you too. I’ll be in contact once the dust settles.’ He returned the embrace. ‘If you need me before then, leave a hat on the mannequin in the window. That will be our signal that you need to speak to me.’
As we went to join Papa in the shop, I mused at how it seemed I had inadvertently become involved in the Resistance movement by taking my brother’s place as resident eavesdropper. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but I think pride was the main emotion.
That evening at dinner, the conversation turned to the news that Monsieur Willet from across the road had been arrested. Apparently, someone had reported him for anti-German speech.
‘But who would have reported him?’ I asked. ‘Monsieur Willet is an old man; he barely leaves his apartment.’
‘Someone with a grudge against him,’ said Maman. ‘Someone who wants his apartment. I don’t know. These days not only do we live in fear of the Germans, but we also live in fear of our neighbours reporting us to gain favour withles Boches.’
‘Times are difficult,’ said Papa. ‘We must always be on our guard. We will get through this war if we comply and don’t draw attention to ourselves. Peace will come and I want my family intact at the end.’
‘Sitting back and allowing these atrocities against our fellow Parisians makes us complicit,’ said Edgar.
I knew he was thinking of the Cohen family– Edgar had gone to school with the son. They were rounded up with hundreds of other Jewish families. None of them had come back. There was an accusation in his tone, and although Edgar’s anger wasn’t directed at Papa, it reflected the injustice and helplessness we all felt.
‘Edgar, mind your manners,’ warned Maman, passing a bowl of soup down the table.
‘But don’t you see?’ continued Edgar. ‘Our silence means we are simply condoning the actions of the Germans.’
‘Edgar,’ warned Maman again, this time fixing him with a look. ‘I do not want an argument. Everyone knows how awful it is. Your father was merely—’
