‘Alors, just as well I will not be your wife, isn’t it?’ I heard myself saying out loud.
If I’d surprised myself, then I had certainly surprised Alphonse. He looked at me, aghast. ‘I don’t know what’s got into you today, Nathalie, but you’re behaving very …’ he waved his hand in the air as if searching for the appropriate word ‘… very disagreeably,’ he concluded.
‘You mean, I’m not agreeing with you? That I’m not behaving like a young woman should? That I’m not grateful that you might want to marry me? Is that what you mean?’
‘Nathalie, keep your voice down. You’re drawing attention,’ said Alphonse, clearly annoyed now.
‘And that wouldn’t do, would it? That’s not very subservient,’ I snapped back.
‘Nathalie! Where is all this coming from?’ asked Alphonse. His voice was calmer now. ‘This is not like you. Is something wrong?’
I let out a sigh. ‘I’m sorry. I just don’t like being told what I can and can’t do with my life,’ I said, and then lowering my voice so the Germans in the restaurant couldn’t hear me: ‘It’s bad enough that we can’t live our lives properly under occupation, but then to have my dreams torn away, it’s unbearable. My dreams are the only things that keep me going. They give me hope to carry on and believe that one day all this will be over.’
‘I think maybe you should manage the expectations of your dreams. It’s good to have dreams, but they need to be realistic.’ He smiled and patted my hand. ‘Now, tell me, where is your brother today? I didn’t see him in the shop.’
‘He … err … He was running an errand for Papa,’ I said, ensuring I kept to Papa’s story in case anyone was eavesdropping.
‘An errand? Doing what?’ asked Alphonse.
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I’ve been in the workroom. I haven’t been paying attention.’
Alphonse put his cutlery down and took a sip of his coffee, eyeing me over the rim of the cup. He slowly placed it down on the saucer. ‘Does Edgar often pop out?’
I frowned. ‘I don’t keep track of him. Like I said, I’m usually in the workroom.’
‘He should be careful he doesn’t draw attention to himself.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Come, Nathalie, you know,’ said Alphonse. ‘I wouldn’t want to see him be taken in for questioning, especially if he’s involved in anything untoward.’
I tried to quell the bubble of alarm rising from my stomach. ‘Of course he’s not.’
‘But you said yourself, you don’t know what he does, where he goes or even when. Can you be sure?’
‘I trust my brother completely.’ Now it was my turn to pat Alphonse’s hand in the same patronising way he’d done to me. ‘And you have no need to worry.’
Alphonse looked down at my hand and then up at me. ‘I’m just saying this because I care about you,’ he said. ‘If Edgar is doing something he shouldn’t …’
He let the end of the sentence hang in the air.
‘He’s not,’ I said, withdrawing my hand.
‘If you have any doubts or worries, you can tell me. Perhaps I could speak to Edgar, as a friend, and warn him.’
‘I have no doubts at all,’ I replied, my voice tense and my tone firm.
Edgar sat back in his chair and appraised me for several moments. When he replied there was a brittleness to his voice. ‘I hope you’re right; otherwise he could bring a lot of trouble to you and your family. You do know that, don’t you?’
‘Of course I know that,’ I said, feigning indignation. ‘And I would thank you to take that tone from your voice. I’m your girlfriend, not a suspect.’ I said the words with far more conviction than I felt. I knew at that moment, now wasn’t the time to make an enemy of Alphonse.
My fear was turned to reality the following morning. I was woken by the sound of hammering on the front door to the shop and shouting voices ordering us to open up.
Fear churned my stomach and my throat tightened. It could only mean one thing. It was the German authorities. I threw my bedcovers back and jumped out of bed, hurriedly finding my clothes to put on. If they were coming into the house, I didn’t want to be caught in my nightdress.
My bedroom door flew open and Maman rushed in. ‘Hurry. Get dressed,’ she urged, as she fastened her housecoat around her. Beyond her, I saw Papa rush along the hallway, and then his hurried feet on the stairs.
‘J’arrive. J’arrive tout de suite.I’m coming. I’m coming now,’ he called out.
