‘Wait!’ Angus galloped behind her, catching up as she entered the woodland. She slowed to a trot, and he fell into step beside her; when his eyes met hers, she knew that he understood everything.
Wordlessly, they walked the horses into the farm, feeling each other’s warm presence while they had the chance.
The others were already back, and it wasn’t long before they had to leave for the station.
For the duration of the journey, Caroline watched as Annabel,elated from her ride, chatted to Angus. The train carriage was almost empty, and so Angus taught her to sing ‘Will You Go, Lassie, Go’, and she in turn sang ‘Auld Lang Syne’, everyone joining in, even though it wasn’t remotely close to the New Year. The conversation was solely about horses, especially as Gil had offered to take Annabel riding if they were able to make their own way down to the farm. Caroline wondered how often they’d be able to, with Frank the way he was, but she kept these worries to herself.
Victoria Station came upon them all too soon, and they parted company at the entrance to the Underground.
‘Thank you for taking us riding, Angus,’ Annabel said. ‘Can we go again, while you’re still here in London?’
‘I’m leaving tomorrow, I’m afraid. Our work in the palace is finished, and we have to get back to Balmoral. I’m sorry it’s only been this one day.’ His eyes went from Annabel’s to Caroline’s. ‘I never wanted to return to London, but now I see that I should have come back years ago.’ He turned back to Annabel. ‘You’re always welcome at Balmoral, if you can make it up there.’
Annabel turned to her mother. ‘Can we?’
‘We’ll see, shall we?’ Caroline told her, taking a few coins from her bag. ‘Now pop into the shop and get us some mints for the way home.’
As Annabel went off, Caroline turned to Angus. ‘Thank you for a lovely day.’
Tentatively, he took a step toward her. ‘Thank you for agreeing to come. It’s been wonderful to meet Annabel. She’s an incredible girl. I can hardly believe she’s been alive all this time and I never even knew.’ He gazed at her. ‘And you, well, underneath the surface, you’re still the girl I knew so many years ago.’
She swallowed, looking at the ground. ‘It was wonderful to ride again.’
‘Exhilarating, isn’t it? It makes you feel like you can do anything in the world.’ It was as if he were daring her, urging her to step out of her norm.
‘But...’ she began, only the words wouldn’t come out. Freedom wasn’t a choice for her. She’d had the perfect day, and now she wouldhave to fold it up and tuck it away, hide it out of sight like it had never happened. ‘Will I see you before you leave?’
He shook his head. ‘We’re leaving very early, I’m afraid.’
The station, the people and the loudspeakers seemed to blur into the background, but she pulled herself together. ‘It’s been good to see you, Angus.’
‘Now that I know what happened, I...’ He took a step forward. ‘I never imagined that I could have had it so wrong. Maybe I should have had more faith in you, in us. I thought we would go to the ends of the earth for each other, Caroline.’
Swallowing hard, she couldn’t speak, avoiding his eyes, what they might say.
‘But now, well...’ This thought was broken by the sound of Annabel returning.
The moment was gone, the thought unfinished. What was he going to say? That he was glad he had returned, that he could hardly bear to leave her again? Or was it that he could finally put the past behind him?
Meanwhile, all the things she might have said in return – the wordsloveandhopeanddreams– were reduced to a loop through her heart, again and again like a scratched record.
Hastily, she put on a smile, thanking Angus, letting Annabel say her goodbyes before guiding her down into the Underground, biting her lips together to stop herself from bursting into tears.
In silence, they wove through the crowd to the platform, and as she turned to her mother, Annabel whispered, ‘Are you all right, Mum? You look a bit pale.’
‘Why don’t we sit down.’ Caroline lowered herself onto a bench facing the tracks. Opposite them was a billboard depicting a happy couple on a beach, the man taking a photograph of the woman as she lazed in the sunshine. How adored she was, stretching out in the heat under his devoted gaze. And Caroline began to shiver, her world somehow colder, like she’d been shut back outside in an icy chill after warming herself by a fire.
‘Would you like one, Mum?’ Annabel had bought lemon bonbons in the shop. ‘They didn’t have mints.’ Although Caroline didn’t usuallyeat sweets, she took one, the sour-sweet tang distracting her from the sharp pain that ran through her.
‘Mum, how do you know Angus?’ Annabel’s voice came cautiously from the seat beside her.
‘We used to work together, in the palace. He went to war, and, well, I already knew your father.’ Lowering her voice, she added, ‘It’s probably best that you don’t mention it to Dad, that we met Angus today. He’d worry about it unnecessarily.’
‘Why’s Dad always so bad-tempered?’ Annabel huffed. ‘He says he’s the best father in the world, when he’s mean and selfish.’
Guiltily, Caroline thought of everything he’d done for them – everything that Annabel didn’t know.
‘He’s a good sort underneath,’ she murmured.
