“Mom came,” I said. “Have you been talking to her?”
“Yes.” That was it, a single-syllable response.
“And?” I said.
“And what?”
“How is she?”
“You’re talking to her too. Ask her yourself.”
I scooted forward, sliding off the hood until I was leaning against the front bumper. “I’ve tried. She’s not ready to talk about it.”
Selena shook her head, looking down at her feet. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk to you either.”
That stung, much more in person than my unanswered texts. “Don’t do this again. However upset you are with me, I know you don’t believe this is all my fault.” Or, I thought I knew. At my words, Selena bit both her lips, a telltale sign from when we were kids that she wanted to hit me. I would have backed away if the car hadn’t been at my back.
“You were the one who had the brilliant idea to test Dad’s DNA. I told you over and over again not to do it, that it wasn’t worth finding out something horrible that we would have gone on happily not knowing.”
“Happily?” I looked at my sister like I’d never seen her before. “You would have been happy never knowing you had a brother?”
Selena’s eye twitched.
“’Cause I can’t, and I wouldn’t want to. Finding out that we have a brother was horrible, but it was amazing too. I know that it’s a mess and it hurts because even though he’s Dad’s son, he’s not Mom’s, and I don’t understand how that could ever happen to two people who are so stupid in love that they’ll sit in the same chair at the dining table when there are six other empty chairs. It’ll never make sense, and if I hadn’t seen what was undeniably our father’s son when I met Brandon, I’d have been where you were, calling me a liar.”
She flinched, still biting her lips, but now it looked like she was trying to hold back tears.
“And I’m sorry that I lied to you and that I didn’t find the right way to tell you the truth. I’m sorry I left that envelope on my desk for Mom to find. I’m sorry she left and that you’re gone. I’m sorry that Dad cheated on Mom when you were a baby, but I’mnotsorry about Brandon. Take away what Dad did and what I did. Take away everything else but the one fact that we have a brother. You have abrother.” I dashed away the first tear when it fell, and I smiled. “I don’t know how well you got to see him, but he’s really tall and still kind of skinny, like the pictures of Dad at his age. He looks a lot like Dad, and a little like us and, I don’t know, maybe he has your sense of humor. I do know he taught himself to play the guitar just like you, and when he heard you sing, Sel, his expression was just like yours is right now.”
Her eyes were so full of tears that I didn’t think she could see me anymore. I could barely see her out of mine. She still hadn’t moved closer to me, and I hadn’t taken that last step to hug her. And in that moment, we were saved from having to. Our phones chimed simultaneously.
I reached mine in my pocket before Selena pulled hers from her purse. Our eyes met, and we knew we’d each received the same message. It was from Mom.
Mom: Please come home. Your dad and I need to talk to you.
Without a word, we both spun for our cars, our eyes meeting one last time before we climbed into our separate driver’s seats.
“It’s going to be okay,” she said.
“I know,” I said. But what I was thinking was that, between the two of us, I was supposed to be the liar.
CHAPTER 45
Idrove home in a blind panic, constantly seeking out Selena’s car behind me in the rearview mirror. Together we parked in front of our house, noting Mom’s car in the driveway alongside Dad’s. I slowed as I approached the front door, waiting until Selena was by my side before opening it.
They were sitting next to each other at the dinner table when we walked in. I blinked away the ghostly memory from Dad’s birthday. Mom wasn’t sitting in Dad’s lap, but neither was she at the opposite end of the table either. They were sitting side by side, not too far and not too close. Their proximity to each other told me nothing about the conversation we were about to have. Reluctance to find out slowed my steps, and Selena matched my pace. Dad looked much the same as he had the night Mom left—bereft. Mom, usually so put together even when she had her hair piled up on her head and in a T-shirt, looked like she hadn’t slept in days.
There was such a dichotomy between my emotions. I hated that Dad had cheated on Mom and hurt all of us, but I also wanted to see him and Brandon play catch in our backyard, to join in, and Selena too. I understood Mom leaving the way she had, but I didn’t want my parents to split up.
“Come on,” Mom said. “Sit down.”
We did, but with equal apprehension, noting the glance our parents exchanged. As soon as we were seated, Mom reached out and took my hand and also Selena’s.
“I’m sorry I left like I did. I should never have done that to you two, no matter what is going on between me and your dad.”
“Mom,” I said, trying to tug my hand free, but she only held tighter. She didn’t have to apologize to me. In fact, I didn’t want her to. As much as Selena and I clashed over blame in this situation, I had been the one to reveal that Dad had a son. I’d brought that pain to her, and I’d always feel guilty over that.
“No, Dana.” She forestalled another of my attempts to wriggle free. “This is not your fault.” Her eyes drifted to Selena. “It’s not.”
