I hurried after him. “No, it’s my fault. I didn’t say it right. Wait!” I darted in front of him. “Please don’t go. I want to talk to you about this. I should have before now, but I…was being selfish.” I lowered the hands I’d held up to stop him. He looked like he was willing to split himself in two to get around me. The acid sloshing in my stomach showed me exactly what that would feel like. “Actually, I’m still being selfish. If you want to go, you should go. But I’m the one who’s sorry.Youdon’t have a single thing to apologize for.”
When he didn’t immediately bolt, I pressed on.
“You might be the best person I know.”Might, nothing.“And you’re smart and kind, and I want to feel the same way back—I want it so bad…” I couldn’t blink fast enough to keep the tears from welling in my eyes. “Please don’t hate me, not for that.”
Nick’s face was as blotchy as a Samoan guy’s could get, but he wasn’t hiding from me. And he wasn’t running. “I could never hate you. And I knew that you didn’t—that you don’t—I know. I knew before I heard you say that there was someone else.”
I already feel more for him than I ever will for Nick—that’s what he’d heard me say about Chase. My heart stopped in my chest and seemed to refuse to start again.
A small line of ants abandoned a sticky puddle of soda someone had spilled in the hallway and marched their way over the toe of Nick’s sneaker. He didn’t kick them off or jump away or anything; he just lowered his head. “It’s okay.”
It wasn’t remotely okay. My chin was quivering again, and I wanted to bend down and flick every last ant off for him. “I should have told you.”
Still ignoring the ants, he said, “Yeah.”
“Can we—can we still be friends?”
Nick flinched at thef-word. “Is it okay if I say no?”
The air whooshed out of me.
“Maybe not forever, but for now, okay?”
I nodded frantically. It was either that or cry. He’d feel like he had to stay if I cried. The ants had made their way to my shoes now, flip-flops. “Sure.”
“It’s just that—”
“You don’t have to explain.”
He looked up, met my gaze for half a second before lowering his again. “I should get back.”
I tried to smile. “Yeah, no. Go.”
I watched him trudge back to his class, then disappear inside.
I stood there until the last ant left.
CHAPTER 21
Selena was sitting on my bed watching TV with a bowl of popcorn when I got home. Mom and Dad were sequestered behind their office doors, and from the snippets of conversation I’d heard, they were still trying to figure out what to do about Selena.
She didn’t glance away from the TV when I came in. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I said. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, and it was another sister perk that I knew Selena wouldn’t make me. I stretched out my legs as I joined her on my bed, then added another “Hey!” when I saw the boxes and luggage piled on the floor. “What the fresh hell is this?”
Selena rolled onto her side, glanced at her stuff, then rolled back. “Oh yeah. That’s my stuff.”
“Okay, but what’s it doing in my room?”
Trickling a fistful of popcorn into her upturned face, Selena said, “I think you meanourroom.”
I slid off the bed and backed toward the door, not taking my eyes off Selena. “Mom. Mom! Can you come up here?” Selena picked up the remote—my remote—and raised the TV volume. “Mom!” I called again.
“What?” Slow footsteps trudged up the stairs. “And no more yelling in the house ever.” Mom stopped in the doorway of my room, looked in, saw Selena, then looked at me. “What is the problem?”
“She’s moving home? She’s moving into my room?”
Mom rubbed her eyes. “They don’t let nonstudents stay in dorms.” She extended an arm toward Selena. “Nonstudent.”
