‘Because he’s a great man,’ I say honestly. ‘We got caught up in other people’s drama, but we’re solid. I love him. I want to marry him.’
Wow, I actually do. The words leave my lips so effortlessly, so honestly. What a fun way for me to find out I’m in love.
‘Then make sure he knows that,’ Arty replies.
‘I will,’ I say. ‘And we’ll come see you later, smooth everything over.’
He nods.
‘Enjoy the wedding,’ he says. ‘If you two really are as solid as you say, then, very well, I think we would make fantastic neighbours.’
‘Thank you,’ I reply.
It isn’t hard to try and mask my relief, because I do still need to find Jake, smooth things over, and hope he still wants to be here, and for me to help him. Oh, and then there’s the wedding I have to attend. Mustn’t forget that.
I head back to the lodge to get ready. There’s no sign of anyone – I wonder if they’ve all headed to the ceremony, which means I’m the one holding things up. But when I go to grab my dress, the one I really don’t love, I notice that there’s another dress in its place, the gold one, the one I loved. There’s a note next to it, from Cordelia, that says:
Thought I’d get this one as a backup, think you’ll be much happier in it. Thanks for everything. x
I smile. Almost everything is falling into place. I need to find Jake, to work things out.
But first, the wedding. Time to put on a brave face – and a beautiful gold dress.
33
The relief hits me somewhere between the first glass of Prosecco and the arrival of the main course. We did it, we got Andy and Cordelia back together, and now they get to live their happy ever after together.
It’s a very limited sense of relief though, very confined to the wedding, because other things are not ideal.
I’m trying to focus on the positives. Against all odds, in the face of multiple emotional grenades, it all worked. Andy and Cordelia are married. And do you know what? It suits them. They’re glowing, floating on air, potentially even more loved-up and solid than they would have been without the events of this morning.
It’s a great wedding too. The food is so good, and the venue is beautiful. JJ has already pulled so she’s living her best life. It would be hard to think of a way for things to be better were it not for one thing – Jake never showed up.
I should feel happy for my friends, proud of myself for bringing them back together, but instead, I feel hollow.
I keep feeling Jake’s absence in the smallest ways. The empty chair at our table being the most obvious. Mostly though, I’ve got so used to having him around this week, all of a sudden it feels so quiet without him.
‘And now, the best person/chief bridesmaid’s speech,’ a voice announces as a microphone gets pushed into my hand.
Oh shit, I’d forgotten about this. I have my speech, already written, folded up in my clutch bag – I put it here days ago so I wouldn’t forget it. It’s some of my best comedy material, truly, but I’m not in the mood. I can’t let Andy and Cordelia down though, so I suck it up and clear my throat.
‘Hello everyone,’ I say, my voice way too loud – I’m not used to a mic. I guess I need to hold it a little further away. ‘For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Whitney. I’ve known Andy for a long time – and I’ve lived with him, which has made it feel even longer.’
People laugh, right on cue.
I glance down at my speech, then back up at the crowd. Suddenly my funny speech feels stupid, and not funny, and insincere.
I stuff the paper back in my bag. This isn’t going to work.
‘Okay,’ I say, my voice quieter now, but steadier. ‘I had a whole speech planned. It was very funny; you’ll just have to trust me on that one. But now I’m up here, standing by the happy couple, funny doesn’t feel right. Sure, I can make jokes about them – I had a whole page on Andy’s various haircuts and attempts at facial hair over the years – but I think what’s really worth mentioning is that they’ve done it, they’ve found love. I’ve spent most of my life believing that love was meant to look a certain way, that it has a timeline. A structure. I looked at it like a book plot. I thought it arrives when you’re ready and leaves you when you’re not.’
A few people smile knowingly.
‘But this week,’ I continue, ‘I watched two people decide to go for it. No waiting and seeing. No raking over each other’s past. Just falling in love, being sure of it, confident in it, and going for it. And it’s not easy, it’s so much harder, to put your heart in another person’s hands like that, but they’ve done it. I think we’d all do well to be a little more like them, so… to bravery!’
‘To bravery,’ everyone else echoes.
I throw back my champagne because now I need to practise what I preach. I need to be brave. I wish I knew where Jake was.
