Chapter Five
It wasthat next day that I knew it was well overdue. I had let Ronny think we were still together for a month now. It was time to cut the chord for good this time.
It worked out well because Ronny was given wheelchair access that morning. The doctor came here yesterday and told him that his bruises were getting better enough he could start today. It had only been two weeks with him bedridden, but it felt like an eternity. He was very demanding, hurt or not.
It was right after we had breakfast and I was about to tell Ronny we needed to talk when Cash came in. Something about his smile and the extra pep in his walk made my stomach churn nervously.
“Audrey got a gig taking pictures in Brazil. We’re not really doing anything right now between Tate doing his paternity leave and Ronny all-” he waved noncommittally over in his direction. Despite having access to the rest of the house, Ronny was still in rough shape with his legs and arm. “I mean, why not go?”
“I guess. But who’s going to help me with him?” I grimaced. Ronny rolled his eyes.
“I don’t need anyone to help me. I’m good now. What you really mean is, who’s going to keep me company so you can run off and do whatever it is you do without me,” he accused. I sighed and didn’t even bother to respond. Cash and I exchanged a look. It wasn’t even worth arguing. Especially since I had made up my mind about what I was doing today.
“Dallas will come over still. Or you can always call Tate or Travie or someone. Maybe you should get out of this place for a bit dude,” Cash diverted the tense situation expertly. I silently thanked him.
“Yeah, probably. I think that’s why I’m getting so crazy,” Ronny glanced over at me with a guilty expression. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be acting like this.”
I opened my mouth, but Cash interrupted me quickly. He clapped loudly, bringing the attention back to him and his exciting news.
“Anyways, I just stopped in to tell you guys we’re leaving on Friday. If you need me before I leave, I’ll be around.” He left just as suddenly as he had appeared. I wanted to scold him for being a chicken, but I got it. I’d leave too if I could. I was about to turn to Ronny and start the break-up process again when he spoke first.
“Yeah, actually. Can we talk? I’ve got some things I need to get off my chest.”
I blinked.Hehad things to say? I wasn’t expecting that.
“Sure. Let’s go sit down.” I motioned to the living room. Ronny looked at me with annoyance and I blushed. “I mean, I’ll go sit down. Come on,” I chuckled nervously.
I went and sat on the couch and Ronny wheeled himself in front of me. He reached for my hands and I let him take them. They felt cold and unfamiliar now. While I had spent more time sharing my heart and bed with Ronny, it wasn’t right anymore. His hands weren’t the ones that I was meant to be holding. I was meant for Tate.
He smiled and took a long breath before starting his speech.
“Right before my accident, or rather, what I can remember, things were tense with us. I know you’re still going through the whole divorce thing with Tate and I was really angry about it for a long time. It’s not your fault it happened. If I had just told Tierney I wasn’t in love with her anymore we could have avoided all of this mess. Tate wouldn’t have even gotten involved. I’m sorry for being such a coward back then. I’m ready to move on and start new with you.”
My stomach rolled with guilt. Oh no. This is not what I thought was going to happen. What in fact, was happening?
“I don’t know how the accident happened or what led up to it, but I know I was glad that you were there waiting for me when I woke up. I’ve always been up and down with my mental health. I told you that before,” he paused, rolling his arms to show me all of the thin, long scars he had under his tattoos. Scars from when he wasn’t in a good place. A place he was fully ready to stay and never come back from. I swallowed hard.
“But suddenly, I realized that I don’t want to die. Not yet. The thought that I wouldn’t be able to see you again, to be with you, that was horrible. All I wanted was to know that I would get to have you with me still, and there you were.”
Guilt was flooding my system. Flashing red lights filled my vision as loud alarm bells went off in my ears. I couldn’t keep doing this.
“Jimmy,” he squeezed my hands and looked deep into my eyes. The gray in his was so pure, it broke my heart. “Will you marry me?”
What? No!
I pulled away quickly. He might as well have just tased me. Shock hit my system so hard my breakfast was threatening to come right back up.
“Ronny I can’t. No,” I stammered, trying to come up with something. He just poured his heart out to me. He told me I was the reason for him staying alive. I couldn’t just tell him I was in love with someone else. Not now! “I’m still...”
He smiled softly and nodded.
“I know, I know it’s all still pending, but we’ve only got a few months and then you’ll be free. Which will be perfect timing because I’ll have my casts off, Cash will be back, and then we can do things right. For the first time.”
I continued shaking my head, until I moved away from him and stood up. I needed to distance myself as far as I could from him right now.
“Alright, we need to talk. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?” he demanded, instantly his happy mood slid into anger at my rejection.
