“I felt like everyone was staring at me,” he said on the car ride home.
Cleo was the only one who needed to show up on the big day, but she asked me to go with her. Mark offered to join us, but I told him he didn’t have to. He seemed relieved. When I made a joke about it, he agreed with me.
“I’m already pretty close to Cleo. I don’t need to be that close,” he smirked. I looked at him blankly.
“You realize you wouldn’t be the one down - there, right?”
He blushed furiously and then glared at me.
“I knew that,” he lied.
Despite still having some cramping from my own procedure I drove Cleo to her appointment. The appointment itself went pretty quick. She squeezed my hand for dear life the whole time, but it didn’t take long for the doctor to sit up straight and announce that she was finished.
I took Cleo home and asked her if she wanted anything before I let her be. She had been quiet the whole ride home. She told me no and that she wanted to take a nap.
“I’m sorry, I just kind of want to rest,” she said before I left.
I told Mark this when I got home and he furrowed his brow.
“I’m sure she’s fine. It’s probably just sinking in. I’ll call her later.”
Thankfully, Tabatha offered to take the twins to rehearsal today. I wasn’t up for mindless chatter with the girls. I was too nervous. Of course, it would take a few weeks to see if she did get pregnant, but just the thought that it was official made my stomach spin.
That night Mark tried to cuddle up to me and I turned him down.
“Oh, come on, Renee. You’re not in the mood?” He groaned. I turned around to look at him.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about her.”
“Whatever does it for you babe,” he said, and he tried kissing my neck. I moved away.
“She regrets it.”
He sighed and sat up. Turning the light on, he looked down at me. I sat up too.
“She does not regret it. I talked to her just a few hours ago. She’s fine. You’re stressing over nothing.” I wanted to be reassured but I couldn’t squash the uneasy feeling. With a deep sigh he turned the TV on and we watched TV until we fell asleep.
Halfway through the night I woke up to pee. Just as I was climbing back into bed, I saw my phone on the side table. A tiny blue light was flashing. It was a text message. Grounding the sleep from my eyes I grabbed it. The message was from Cleo.
Can you talk?
I looked at the time it was sent. It was barely an hour ago. I stepped out of the room and called her.
“Hey, do you want me to come over?” I asked when she answered. She answered in a quiet voice. It was as if she was whispering. I grabbed my keys and jumped in the car, still in my pj’s. When I got to her house, she was sitting in her living room, her knees bunched up to her chin. The only light came from the TV. I sat down next to her and waited for her to speak.
“What are you gonna do if I don’t get pregnant?” She asked me suddenly, not looking at me. She was staring blindly at the TV. A late night talk show was playing.
“I don’t know. Probably think about adoption. Or you know, maybe this is our sign. Maybe children isn’t in the cards,” I said, trying to be gentle.
“I feel like your future is completely in my hands. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t get to be a mother. You’ll be an amazing mom and I don’t want to feel like I took that away from you,” she said, finally looking at me. Her eyes were shiny.
I grabbed her and squeezed her tight. She sniffled. “Cleo, if you don’t get pregnant, I will be fine. You have done everything you could. It wouldn’t be your fault even a little. I would never hold that against you.”
I rocked her while she cried softly. I felt guilty for putting all this pressure on her. After awhile she calmed down and pulled away. She wiped her eyes and forced a smile.
“I am going to will my body to make this work,” she said, straightening. “Hell or high water, you are getting a baby,” she declared. I chuckled and hugged her again.
“Sorry for asking you to come out,” she said. I waved her off.
