Her everything…myeverything.
I can always tell which Holden is my Hallie, and I always will.
— Chase Knight
CHAPTER 20
I’ll never tell him so, but having Chase along makes things a little easier.
With three of us, that’s three sets of ears to listen for any wrong sounds. Taking watch is easier with a three-man rotation, and the flamings go a lot smoother when there’s an extra pair of eyes for the stare. Between us, we actually start looking for lurkers to hunt instead of hiding out peacefully most nights.
I mean, weareheading into New York to get rid of a nest. Why not do some hunting along the way?
Maverick, I notice, is in a much better mood, too. In the days following our escape from East Jersey, he’s making an effort to be friendlier. I’m betting it has everything to do with the auction and the gun. It’s almost like he thinks that I’ve gotten over it because we made it out in one piece.
Fat chance.
Alexandra Holden doesn’t forget, and she rarely forgives. And it’s not just what happened in the prison town. With Chase carrying the taser, me with my knife, and Mav holding onto his gun, we’re armed enough that I’ve decided to hold off on stealing it out of petty revenge. I’m still pissed that he invited Chase to join us without even asking me. Add that to how he betrayed mebecause of that gun, and I won’t feel like we’re even until I have it.
For now, I let it go. He had a point. With the three of us, we can hunt more effectively, travel faster, and if there’s one thing I’m sure of, I can trust Chase in a way that I never could a rogue that I met less than two weeks ago. I know who’s on my side, and no matterwhyhe’s there, it’s enough to make me feel a little more hopeful about eliminating that huge nest in New York, and maybe even making it out again so that we can return to the Grave together.
Not that there’s any reason to rush. I’m down with cutting a swath through the rest of New Jersey, killing lurkers as we go instead of doing our best to sneak past them. Hell, yeah, let’s make a dent. It’s not a race to New York, right?
Too bad that I’m hopelessly outnumbered.
I guess that makes sense. Chase came all this way, tracking me from Madison, so that he could bring me home once I was ready to go. Of course he’ll want to finish the trip to Manhattan, do his best to make sure I survive, then herd my ass back to the Grave. And Mav… he agrees with him.
Actually, the plan to get to New York ASAP is about the only thing that Maverick and Chase see eye to eye on. Well, that and killing lurkers.
Oh, and how they both seem to think that I need to be coddled like a child. Seriously. I’m not allowed to wander off on my own or I get a lecture from Chase; with a satisfied gleam in his eyes, Maverick just sits back and lets Chase scold me. I take it because I hear the undercurrent of fear and concern lacing his voice when he talks about how dangerous it is out here. I still don’t know what kind of shit he went through during the time when he was surviving on his own, keeping his distance so that I didn’t know he was close. Considering the scrapes and bruises and the shadows in his eyes… it wasn’t anything good.
And that was before he got worked over by Darryl’s boys up until they released him, allowing him to attend the auction just in time to save me.
I understand why Chase is so afraid of something happening to me, even if I lie to myself and say he shouldn’t care. He does, and it’s not worth riling him up by shutting him down like I did after he called me by my sister’s name.
That doesn’t mean I let them get away with the coddling. Nope. I’m more determined than ever to prove myself—especially to Chase.
That’s why, when I’m on watch, I refuse to wake the guys up when I sense any less than three lurkers on the edge of our campsites. Sure, Chase is terrified that I could’ve gotten hurt, but the way Maverick nods, impressed, when he sees another pile of ashes in the morning makes me feel like an important part of our little crew.
All in all, I’m slowly making a dent in Chase’s thirty-eight recent kills and, one morning when I tell him so, Chase stops mid-lecture, almost like he’s been thunderstruck. His mood shifts on a dime. From scared and worried to suddenly delighted, he laughs and gives me a quick side hug that has me freezing up before he just as quickly pulls away.
One good thing comes out of that awkward moment. From then on, he doesn’t treat me like a porcelain doll that has to be handled with kid gloves. Our relationship is better for it, though I can’t deny that the continued bickering between Maverick and Chase can probably be traced back to that hug. Their honeymoon didn’t last very long.
I will admit that, every now and then, I do catch Chase looking at me hungrily, but as long as I’m not purposely avoiding him, we’re both able to pretend that this is like the before times. When Hallie was still there, acting the part of the referee for any good-natured sniping between her boyfriend and her twin.
Since the time I exploded at him, he hasn’t called me by my sister’s name again, and as long as he remembers that I’m Xandra or hedges his bets by referring to me by my surname, everything is fine.
Well, noteverything.
Though I never thought I would, I’m really suffering from homesickness. I was able to ignore it when it was just Mav and me, but with Chase here… fuck. I miss the Grave. Chase is an aching reminder of what life was like before I made the impulsive decision to go with Maverick on this quest. Most of all, I miss Jack, and I wonder how he’s holding up, the last Holden left in Madison.
I can’t wait to kill some lurkers and finally get back.
Chase takes first watch. Maverick usually goes second. I’m cranky if they forget to wake me up to take my turn, so I go third.
It’s chilly out tonight; for the first time, Denise’s hoodie and Rory’s jacket aren’t enough to keep me warm, especially when I’m drenched. The rain trickled on and off all morning making today’s travel more difficult than it should’ve been. Though it’s been four days since we left East Jersey, Maverick swore he heard a whistle mid-day and pushed us harder and harder until the slick rain made our muddy path treacherous and I slipped.
I fell flat on my ass, covered in mud, cursing as the rain stung my eyes. Chase hurriedly helped me back to my feet and demanded we find shelter until the rain—and the threat—had passed.
