Suddenly, the light vanished behind a cloud, reality forced itself back into the picture, and Marcus’ thoughts returned to his past, his upbringing, and the lessons that had been drilled into him for his entire life. As this happened, the walls that he hide behind to protect himself rose around him, they suffocated him, and he fell back as if someone had slapped him across the face.
“What happened?” Lucy gasped, just as James started to cry from the suddenness of his movement.
Marcus pushed himself back up. He looked again at the scene, remarkably different now that James was in tears and Lucy was forced to scoop him into her arms and comfort him.
That moment of tranquility, of peace, wasn’t real. And I was an idiot for thinking it might be.
This is who Marcus was. He was not one to care about others. He was not emotionally available. And he certainly was not father material. Nor would he ever be, and nor did he want to be.
“I…” He leaned back, his stomach sinking through the floor. “I must be getting back to work.”
“Already?” Lucy looked at him in surprise.
“Yes.” He stood quickly and dusted off his legs. “I cannot spend all morning entertaining the child, Lucy. That is why I married you.”
Lucy winced at the harshness of his words, and Marcus grimaced with shame. He did not mean for them to come out that way, but he was not the type to apologize for it either. Despite how hard he tried, how much he might have wanted it, this was not a life for someone like him.
“If you need anything…” He put his head down and fled the room, unable to look his wife in the eye, or finish that thought.
It was a case of two steps forward and one step back for Marcus. Only, in this instance, he felt that it was one step forward and two back. Whatever he believed that he wanted, whatever dreams he might have secretly harbored, they were not his reality. Nor would they ever be.
Marcus was broken, and it really was that simple.
