Chapter twenty-two:
present day
Jesse
We hit the road, aiming to get back to the clubhouse around noon. I already knew that Hardy was going to lose his shit with me, but I was past the point of caring by then. Too much else was going on to worry about his wrath.
Besides, what was the worst he could do? I’d already ripped my own heart out.
We pulled up to a gas station as we came back into town, most of us needing to fuel up. The day was already heating up, as it always did at that time of year in Georgia. I’d be surprised if they didn’t impose the water ban at some point. I finished filling up my bike and headed inside to pay, stopping to grab a bottle of water as I did. I closed the door on the tall fridge and looked over to see Charlie standing there glaring at me, her arms folded across her ample chest.
“You have a nerve,” she bit out.
“Not in the mood for your shit today, Charlie.”
That was a fucking understatement.
She took a step forward, uncrossing her arms so she could point a long-nailed finger at me. “Do you have idea what you’ve done to her?”
I rolled my eyes in reply and she narrowed her eyes at me.
“Jesse fucking James, you’re killing her, you prick! And I’m done trying to convince her that you’re not a total asshole, when all I see you doing are asshole things.”
I gripped my bottle of water so tightly that I could hear the plastic cracking under my palm. “I never asked you to say anything to her. And I never said I was the good guy,” I replied grimly. “In fact, I’ve been real fucking honest with her from day one and always told her that I was a bad guy and she could do better. Looks like I finally lived up to the reputation.” I pushed past her, feeling fury burning through my veins.
“She’s been crying nonstop for you, Jesse!” Charlie shouted to my back.
I stopped and tried to count to ten before I replied, but I barely made it to three before I turned back around to face her. “Yeah?”
“Yeah!”
“Didn’t see her doing much crying for me when she snuck out in the middle of the night and fuckin’ left me. Didn’t see her crying then!”
Her face softened. “Jesse, I know you’re hurting, but you’re not the only one,” Charlie said, her voice softening. “We’re all hurting because we all miss him. Don’t push us all away. It doesn’t have to be like this.”
I shook my head and laughed. “What? So now you’re going to tell me that you understand?”
She nodded and I laughed again.
“You don’t understand shit, and neither does she. He was my brother, my family, and now he’s dead and I’ve got fuckin’ no one!” I yelled, a tsunami of rage sweeping through my body ready to destroy anything and everything in its path.
Charlie stamped her foot, anger radiating from her small frame. She was a beautiful woman—thick, dark hair, dark eyes and heavy makeup—but she was also one tough bitch. “You’re alone because you’ve pushed everyone away, Jesse! She’s tried being there for you, but how can you help someone who’s already hit the self-destruct button?” Her voice had risen too high and I swore that any moment the glass in the fridges was going to smash.
If she wasn’t a woman, I would have kicked her ass by then for speaking to me like that. Because what did she know about me, or Laney or Butch? Nothing. She only knew what we told her. She didn’t live with the pain. Or see the pity in Laney’s eyes every time she looked at me. Poor fuckin’ Jesse James. Dead mom, dead brother, and a father who hated him. Poor fucking man. That was what she thought every time she looked at me. And she was right. I had to get her out of my life before I ruined her like I ruined everything else.
“You should speak to her,” she continued, her voice softening. “Despite everything you’ve done, she still loves you.”
I shook my head at her. “Are you not hearing me, woman? She finally saw sense and left me!”
“Will you stop feeling sorry for yourself and just listen to me! She’s staying with Rider and me. Go and see her—right now. Just drive over there and take back what’s yours. Sort it out before it’s too late, Jesse. There’s still time! Rider’s out of town and I’ll keep out the way for a bit.”
I thought about what she said, seriously considered it. But what was the fucking point? I missed my woman like crazy. Fucking needed her more than I needed my own heart and lungs and motherfucking brain to live. But I couldn’t destroy her, not if I loved her. And if she stayed with me, that’s exactly what would happen. I’d take everything beautiful from her and tear it down until there was no semblance of my girl left.
Because that’s what I did.
“I’m done listening to you, Charlie. Now fuck off before I do something we both regret.” I turned and walked away from her, heading back out of the door without paying for my fuel. Casa was standing in the doorway and he tapped me on the shoulder as I passed him.
“I’ll pay,” he muttered, but I wasn’t listening anymore. I just needed to get away right the fuck then. Because if not I was going to hurt someone, and I really didn’t want to do that—at least not while all so much other shit was going down with the club.
