Outside in the clubhouse I could hear laughing and talking. Brothers going about their day. Harleys starting with loud, throaty roars outside. Doors opening and closing. Cries of pleasure coming from different rooms. I’d become accustomed to listening in to the club life I wasn’t a part of at the moment and recognizing footsteps and bikes and which door was which. Made a little game for myself that I was getting too damn good at.
One thing was for sure: after all of this, I’d be the most feared enforcer the Highwaymen had ever seen because I’d know every person just by how they walked or closed a door.
“Open up,” Belle mumbled, the little white cup shaking in her trembling hand. I scowled up at her, seeing the dark rings under her eyes.
“What’s up your ass?” I asked, snatching the cup from her. Hated that Shooter had made her stay. Why couldn’t he just get one of the sweetbutts to take care of me for a week or two? Or better yet, blackmail another doctor from the hospital? Having to see Belle every day was eating me up inside and feeding my anger. No one had mentioned anything about her feeding club secrets to Lorenzo since that day in the hospital, so I was guessing that the theory had died out quickly. It didn’t surprise me. Belle didn’t have a bad bone in her body.
“Nothing,” she replied, grabbing my water from the table.
“Something is.”
She shook her head, her gaze not meeting mine. It had been like that for days, and it was getting worse. She could barely look at me. Sure, she’d put on my cream and feed me pills until I rattled, wash my body down, but she didn’t look at me anymore. It was like she was in physical pain every time she tried to.
I grabbed at her hand, forcing her to drop the cup of water onto the floor. She let out a small yelp of pain as I squeezed just hard enough to get her damn attention. And when I did, when her eyes finally reached mine, tears were brimming in them and a whole world of pain was overflowing. I let go of her hand immediately and she scuttled away as quickly as she could, leaving the room before I could attempt to apologize. The door slammed behind her and I was left with just the scent of her shampoo and the feeling that something wasn’t right with her.
Not my problem though, I told myself.
It was her little fuckboy boyfriends.
Whatever she did now was nothing to do with me…
I swallowed, wishing she’d come back so I could apologize for scaring her.
Hadn’t meant to grab her so hard.
Hadn’t meant to frighten her and make her run from me.
Hadn’t meant to do an awful lot of things, but it seemed I was destined to keep fucking up wherever Belle was concerned.
I switched my attention back to the TV, my mind going elsewhere while the pictures moved before my eyes. I was back at the barn. Echo and I were laughing and joking, and then he was gone. A puff of dark smoke and his body was dust on the ground, and I was staring down at him wondering what had just happened.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I listened to the voices that surrounded me. Feeling the ropes around my wrists, the knives jutting painfully out of various parts of my body. One in the top of my thigh, just above the artery. One in my side, missing my vital organs. Nails were being pulled from my fingers. A blowtorch to my chest, melting my tattoos away from my skin. The prickles of barbed wire as it was scraped down my back.
My breathing became heavy. I sucked in breath after breath, needing air but not finding any. All I could taste, all I could smell, was fire and animals burning alive. Skin melted, hair sizzling. I clutched at my chest, hearing horses screaming at me to move.
But I couldn’t move.
I was trapped in this moment.
Trapped in this place.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever escape this hell.
I might have still been alive, but I’d died that day, and the man that filled my bones wasn’t a man at all anymore.
Chapter Nine
~ Belle ~
I scurried over to the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind me and placing my back against it. Tears threatened to spill down my face, but I swiped them away as quickly as I could. This was what I had become now. This was what I had turned into. I hated my life so much and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could do to change a single thing.
I was trapped between helping Beast heal and knowing that I would have to kill him.
Carlos and Mateo had come to my trailer again the previous night, wanting to know information. But I had nothing—absolutely nothing to give them. All I’d done the past two weeks was look after Beast and think. I wasn’t really allowed out into the clubhouse, and Beast and I didn’t talk, so there was just no way for me to tell them any of the things they wanted to know.
But I’d have to give them something soon or they were going to hurt me. That much I knew. And I didn’t just mean by bruising my skin. That, they’d already done. They would hurt my heart. They’d threatened Jenna and Gregory, and even though she didn’t want anything to do with me at the moment, I still loved her and wanted to keep her safe, even if it meant getting myself killed.
I pulled up my top, revealing the dark bruise that was forming on my stomach from where Mateo had hit me. I hadn’t been able to eat a thing since because the dull ache made me feel sick constantly. Thank God that Beast and I didn’t talk anymore, because I wasn’t sure how many words I could get out without the pain in my voice being obvious.
