Mom – HE DOES NOT. Now, quit talking about your father like that. It’s disrespectful.
K – What’s disrespectful was Dad telling me not to tell you about it. Oops.
Holly Anne – I’m orange!
Holly Anne –*picture of her orange skin*
Mom – I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal.
Aunt Brenda – Orange is the new black.
Mom – Quit eating the pot brownies.
Mom – You're embarrassing.
Aunt Brenda – No. What’s embarrassing is that you seriously placed Kynton next to Kentral. They hate each other.
Aunt Kate – They shouldn’t have made that video. That was their fuck up.
K – True.
Me – I can’t see an eggplant the same way again.
Mom – As long as you see it in the manner that’s a small portion for you to eat, then I’m sure it’s fine.
No. What wasn’t fine was that my cousins, Kynton and Kentral, thought it would be funny to film a video of not using a banana for sex education purposes, but using an eggplant.
A purple eggplant. One that was ripe. One that was perfect looking on the shelf when they bought it.
And it wasn’t funny because Kentral’s girlfriend came out at the time, and well... shoved that thing up her vagina to help them... and the entire thing was caught on the video.
I shook my head.
Because I didn’t need that visual on a day like today.
Instead, I tapped my phone screen and texted back.
Me – I can come early to help you use an exfoliating scrub. See if I can help.
Holly Anne – No. It’s fine. I’ll do it.
Then my phone pinged with another text.
This one was my mom, but not in the group chat.
Mom – That was very nice of you, Kimber. Now don’t stop by the donut place I saw you enter last week. Your hips don’t need the calories.
I growled.
***
And then... as I passed the donut place, I smiled.
***
I was licking the wonderful chocolate glaze from my fingers as I climbed out of my car in front of The Chateau Plantation.
The place where anyone who was anyone got married in our part of Louisiana.
