“Oh.” I can’t hide my surprise. I mean... he’s beautiful. Though... I guess he doesn’t really go out much, so that makes sense.
His cheeks flush a deep red. “Yeah well, there wasn’t anyone to fool around with in high school. Even though I’m sure there were other gay guys around, there was no way I was going to risk getting my ass beat.” Fury rushes through me at that, and myface must show it because he takes my hand in his. “But it’s okay. I was awkward and even more fumbly then.” I smile, picturing a younger, maybe skinnier Dakota. Unsure of himself and not realizing how beautiful he was. I’m sure he still doesn’t know. “Then when I graduated, I was still kind of scarred.”
“Kind of?” I ask because he still is. Those assholes did a number on him, and if I could, I’d find every single one of them and give them just even an ounce of the hell they put him through. But I don’t think Dakota would like that. I don’t think he’s someone who wants revenge.
He blushes again. “Okay. I was very, very scarred, but I also wanted experience.”
I nod because what eighteen-year-old doesn’t? “So, I hooked up with a guy my freshman year of college. He was nice and so far from a big tough jock.” He smiles sweetly, and I try to push away the hot, jealous feeling in my chest just because of how cute he looks remembering that time. “He was really smart and kind of nerdy.”
“So, what happened?”
He shrugs, but I can feel the pain from the memory. “I was an idiot. I ruined it. I couldn’t take people staring at us when we’d hold hands in public. Though I’m sure they actually weren’t. But I couldn’t shake the fear that one of the big jocks on campus would make us their target.”
“Oh, Dakota,” I say, mourning that loss for him. Hating that the high school bullies got in his head.
“It’s okay,” he says, squeezing my hand. “Brenden was rightfully upset that I never wanted to show him any affection, outside of stolen moments when one of our roommates left us alone in our dorm room. I was always anxious then too, like one of them could come back at any moment. I ruined it.”
My heart breaks for him. No one deserves that. “I’m sorry,” I say, bringing my hand up to cup his cheek, and he leans into the touch.
“It’s okay. From what I’ve seen on Facebook, he’s happily married now. Two kids. Lots of affection, if the pictures tell any sort of truth.”
I smile sadly at that, happy for Brenden, I suppose, but sad for Dakota. Even though I want him and I’m glad Brenden didn’t snag him up, it’s still not fair.
My thumb swipes under his eye as I try to comfort him. “It’s fine. But after that, I was so done with any type of relationship. I put my head down and finished my degree. Moved here and pretty much stayed away from everyone after that.”
“So you’ve only been with one person too?” It doesn’t matter to me. He could have been with one or one hundred. But I want to know everything about him. I want to know his past and be his future.
“No.” He actually looks a little embarrassed, and I hate that. I don’t want him to feel any shame. “I’d get lonely and desperate.” I don’t like the sound of that. “So when I’d get to that point over the years, I’d download an app, drive hours away to meet up for a quick hookup, then delete the app and hide away again until it all got to be too much again.”
No shade to anyone who likes anonymous hookups—but I’m pretty sure he didn’t. “Well, you know my history,” I say, trying to turn the conversation away from something I can tell he isn’t proud of.
“One person. And a woman,” he says.
I nod. “I want you, Dakota,” I say as firmly as I can. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone...”
“But?” he prods.
I shake my head. “No buts. None. I just want to make sure it’s good for you.”
“It was,” he says, turning his body a little more, that lust back in his eyes. “It was so good.” And I believe him.
“I’m sorry I ruined it,” I say with a small smile.
He moves back onto my lap, and desire shoots directly to my balls, making my cock go right back to fully hard, just having him straddling me and looking deep into my eyes. “That’s all you were worried about? Making me feel good?” he asks, his voice hoarse.
I nod, my hands resting on his hips, my thumbs sweeping over the bare skin just above his ass. “Yes.”
The smile he gives me hits me so hard, I don’t even have a chance to think before his mouth slams against mine again, nipping and biting and sucking. Driving me wild. I can feel his hard cock through his pants, grinding against mine, and it’s almost too much again. I’m overwhelmed with the sheer pleasure of it.
My hands move over his soft skin. “You silly, silly man,” he pants between kissing the life out of me. His fingers trail between my pecs, then find the hair that goes from my belly button to the top of my pants. “You make me feel good, just being near me. It’s never been like this before for me. Ever.”
“Really?” I ask, dumbfounded.
He just chuckles into the curve of my neck before pressing soft kisses over my skin. His fingers playing with the button on my pants.
“I need you. So damn badly,” I say, wanting to keep my cool, but I’m leaking like crazy, desperate to feel him.
He flicks open the button on my pants and slowly lowers the zipper, all while managing to stay on my lap with his lips against mine. I lift up, holding onto him while he slides my pants down, and I’m nowhere near as graceful as he is, kicking my pants off like they’ve offended me, while trying to hold onto him, not willing to let him go.
