“I want you too...” I hear the hesitance now though, and it makes me stop abruptly. I pull back and look into his eyes.
“Are you okay?”
He nods quickly. “Yes.” He licks his swollen bottom lip. His eyes are still full of lust, and his chest heaves with rapid pumps of air. I know for sure he’s with me 100 percent, but I see the nerves there.
“I’ve never, um . . .”
“Been with a man,” I try to help.
He nods. “Yeah.” I hate that he looks unsure now. Not about me, I don’t think. But maybe about what to do—though everything he’s done so far has been perfect. “I’ve only been with one person. I don’t want to mess this up.”
“You can’t,” I say honestly. “There’s no way.”
But... I also don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want to rush him. And I have my own insecurities and truths.
“Maybe we should talk.” I say, feeling a little deflated.
I can’t tell if he’s relieved or disappointed when I climb off his lap. And yeah, as much as it sucks and my balls are already starting to ache from the thwarted release... I know I’m right.
We need to talk.
17
GABE
What the hell am I doing?
My lap was full of a gorgeous man kissing the hell out of me, and I hesitated.
Why the hell did I hesitate?
I want him. There’s no doubt in my mind. I’ve never been so far gone for someone as I am over Dakota, not even Shelly.
It’s never been like this.
And that’s why I hesitated. I don’t want to mess this up. I want it to be good for him. Want to ruin him for all other men. But the truth is I don’t know what I’m doing.
Maybe I should have talked to Jackson about it, though, I’m sure the education he’d have given me would have been full of shit I really don’t want or need to know.
He settles in next to me on the blanket, our now-bare backs against the scratchy hay bales, looking every bit as nervous as I feel.
I can’t believe I messed this up.
“So . . .” he starts, turning his head to look at me. “Talk . . .”
“Yeah. Just what you want, right?” I try to play it off, but I feel like an idiot. Why couldn’t I have just ravaged the man? It’swhat I want to do. But I got too into my head. Too overwhelmed. Too close to coming in my pants, which, I swear I have stamina. I do. So that was really out of my element too. I’m not sure I’ve ever been that hard in my life. That out of control. Just from kissing.
And feeling his soft, warm skin. The muscles underneath. The strength. The light amount of hair covering his arms and a small amount between his pecs.
“Hey.” He says it to get my attention because I’ve looked away from him, the embarrassment taking over. I look at him again, into his kind eyes that show nothing but caring and understanding. “It’s a first date, remember? We’re supposed to talk.”
“I wanted to blow your mind,” I say honestly and watch in amusement as his pupils dilate. He licks his lips with that perfect pink tongue.
“Well... you’ve already done that,” he says huskily.
“I didn’t make you come.”
I notice he shifts his body—trying to hide his straining erection? I don’t know why he’d do that, but is he still turned-on? That’s good news, I guess. “Well...” He clears his throat. “We can do that, for sure,” he stumbles, and I smile because oh yeah, he’s flustered. And I really love that. “But... look, I don’t have a lot of experience with men either.” I raise one brow at him in slight confusion. “Or anyone. I mean, I have no experience with women. But next to none with men either.”
