“You’re damn right, I don’t,” she says, folding her arms and sitting with her back straight. She isn’t showing much yet, but I do notice a little bump forming. She softens quickly, though, and drops her hands down to her lap.
“Why do you care what I think then?” I ask her, keeping my tone even.
“Because we’re telling Amber soon.”
“You haven’t told her yet?”
She purses her lips and shakes her head, a look of deep concern on her face. “I needed to talk to you again first.”
“I think she’s going to notice soon,” I say, nodding to her slightly protruding belly. “The kid is smart.”
“I know that.” She looks almost nervous as she tucks her long hair behind her ear and meets my eyes. “And I’m worried about how she’s going to take it.”
“Amber will be thrilled to be a big sister.” My heart lurches into my throat with that sentence because I know it’s true. And I’m happy for my little girl, but I thought I’d be the one to make her a big sister. Shell and me.
“I know she’ll be but not if you’re not. She’ll watch for how you respond, and she’ll match that energy.”
That makes me scoff. “Oh please. Amber does what Amber wants. That kid thinks on her own.”
“You’re her hero, Gabe.” She looks pointedly at me, like I’m missing something. “If you seem upset by this baby, she’ll wonder why. And she might end up resenting the whole thing. You’re her favorite person.”
“Unless she wakes up scared at night.”
Shelly frowns and then shakes her head. “She wants me when she’s scared in the middle of the night. But she always wakesup and asks for you. She talks about you nonstop. She loves you with all her heart.”
“I love her too,” I say, my voice stern and serious. There’s nothing I love more in this world than that little girl. “And I’ll act happy.”
She winces and looks away from me. I know I’m such an asshole, but it’s going to take time.
“I won’t ruin this for you or for her, okay?” Her gaze lands on me again, but she doesn’t look convinced. “I won’t,” I say firmly.
“I want you to be happy too, Gabe.”
“I’m plenty happy,” I say, trying not to fidget in my chair with the uncomfortable feeling inside me. “I am.” I don’t know who I’m trying to convince more.
She shakes her head at me, a slight smile on her lips now. “Amber deserves two happy parents.”
Ouch, Shelly. Way to hit me where it really hurts.
“I am happy . . .”
“Gabe.” She shakes her head at me, and I don’t let her continue because I don’t want to hear it.
“I am. Hell, they put me on all the grumpy cases at work because I’m so happy, they think I can cheer them up or something.”
“Or maybe you’re just really good at pretending.”
“Damn, Shelly, tell me how you really feel.” I try to keep the hurt out of my voice, but it doesn’t quite happen.
“I’m never going to take it easy on you, Gabe. You can take it.” She grins now, and I roll my eyes.
Nothing with us was ever easy. We fought all the damn time, and when we were younger, I thought it was passion, but as we got older, it just became exhausting. And then we kind of just stopped talking at all to avoid the fighting.
“You need to open yourself up to new things. Meet a nice woman. Settle down. Maybe have a couple of babies of your own.”
“I have a baby, thanks.”
She doesn’t take the bait of me being a shithead though, and she doesn’t drop it. “There’s trivia night at the bar this Thursday. There’ll be lots of single women there.”
