Nika's eyes get so big, I'm almost a little afraid they'll fall out of her head. "I'm going to get dressed." Ten seconds later, there's a roar from the bathroom. "I'm not wearing make-up! I'll never make it in time!"
"What do you need make-up for? For Adrien? I don't think he's going to care about that."
I'm just putting on my shoes when Nika comes out of the bathroom, dressed, and yes, without make-up. That’s a first. Her voice is light as she asks, "Are you nervous?"
"Always." Even though it's now the end of March and we've met so many times. Inwardly, I'm always waiting for the moment when Adrien sees that I'm really nothing special and he's had enough with my antics. Or the time I do something embarrassing and he realizes he doesn't want to be seen with me. The variations are endless, the result is always the same and the voice of my ex in my head clearly tells me that I shouldn't get my hopes up because the moment I take my t-shirt off, everyone will leave in disgust anyway. And that’s the truth, we all know it, so what should I say?
Chapter 30
Adrien
"Do you want to come in for a moment or would you prefer to leave straight away?" Philipp chews nervously on his lower lip.
"When you're ready, I think I'd like to head out. I don't know exactly the parking situation there, but I suspect it will be quite packed throughout the day."
"I'm ready, I just have to kick Nika out. Nika?!"
What’s Nika doing here at this time in the morning? Did she spent the night here? An irrational pang of jealousy runs through me and the very next moment I could slap myself for it. Nika loves Élias, there's no doubt about it, and Philipp is gay. But witnessing the ease with which she first slaps him on the ass and then hugs him tightly to say goodbye... I'd love to be in her shoes.
Instead, Philipp and I stand awkwardly opposite each other and neither of us really knows what to do. It's always like this and we both know that this tension will ease the longer we're together and the more often we see each other, the easier it gets. But that doesn't make this moment any better.
"Um... okay, I think we can go." Philipp snaps me out of my thoughts and I can barely get a straight word out. Fantastic.
"What? Yes, definitely!"
***
We've been sitting in the car for twenty minutes and Philipp next to me is getting more and more excited. If you don’t knowhim, you probably wouldn't even notice, but he can’t hide his little signs from me anymore. He's so easy to read when you're willing to give him time and look closely. Philipp's eyes are everywhere, he takes in everything, every detail. They light up and a little smile plays around his lips.
"It's so beautiful here. I love the Black Forest. The thought alone, I might have had to leave..." Lost in thought, he shakes his head.
"Why did you think you have to leave?"
"My ex..." I stay quiet, hoping he'll tell me more. "He changed universities after the break-up, it felt like he was gone from one day to the next... and I was happy. I couldn't leave because of school. And ... I was afraid the whole time that I would bump into him... by chance. Just like at Christmas. I was absolutely convinced that I had to leave to really get away from him..."
Philipp only ever lets out snippets, but the relationship must have been difficult. And that's the nice way of putting it.
***
"Ah, I've always wanted to come here!" He looks around, beaming. His face so lively with an open laugh and his countless freckles. "Come on, let's go!" He tugs impatiently on my arm. It is still rare that he is so relaxed and impulsive.
"You don't want to take the backpacks with you?"
"Oh shit, yes! Oh my God, I have another surprise for you!"
"It's so crazy, imagine there used to be trees everywhere and now there's nothing left." We walk along the wooden planks of the Lothar Trail. 25 years ago, a severe storm hit southern Germany and the Black Forest was hit particularly hard. The trees toppled like matchsticks and Lothar cut a swathe through the dense forest landscape. Just like here, but instead of being reforested, nature has the upper hand. The Lothar Trail is a pathlaid out through this area, which has now been regenerating itself for over two decades.
"Do you want to hike the small trail or stay on the big one?"
I know that Philipp is drawn to the little path that leads into the forest, but I don't make this decision for him. If I've learned anything about this man who is so reserved over the last few weeks, it's that he's actually not reserved, but he's afraid to say what he wants. But that's not how it works with me. "You choose."
"Are you sure?" Philipp still needs assurance when I leave a decision to him, but now there's a flash of confidence in his eyes and that feels like a big step.
"Definitely."
"This way then!"
"Ah, it's so cool here! So lucky we had so much rain yesterday!"
