"How old were you when you started dancing?" The question comes out of nowhere for me and I choke violently on a piece of pepperoni. The coughing won't stop, and the spiciness brings tears to my eyes.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... you don't have to answer if that was too private, I just... I thought you guys were awesome together and I was wondering how long you have been practicing to be that good."
My coughing fit slowly subsides and I take a big gulp of water to calm myself down. Adrien's gray eyes are watching me, not disparagingly if I'm reading it right, more... worried?
"Are you alright?" Yes, heisworried about me. But why?
Suddenly, I feel wetness under my fingertip. Shit! Luckily, I'm wearing a black t-shirt, but it's too short. I tug nervously at the hem of my sleeve. I hope no one sees it. That's exactly why I always wear long-sleeved shirts when I'm out with people, so this doesn't happen. But I'm here now, it wasn't planned, and this is what I get for it.
I try to lick the blood off my fingers as quickly and as inconspicuously as possible. I have a hoody with me, and I pull it on. Adrien is still looking at me, questioningly, attentively, openly.
"IN PUBLIC, SERIOUSLY? CAN YOU SINK ANY LOWER? HOW EMBARRASSING ARE YOU? I'M NEVER TAKING YOU OUT AGAIN! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THE GUY IS LOOKING AT YOU LIKE THAT? BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU DO. DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK HE WOULD BE INTERESTED IN YOU IF HE SAW WHAT YOU WERE DOING? DON'T MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF!"
I turn away. Adrien mustn't know, must never see me like this. No one can know. But what does that mean for me?
"YOU WILL BE ALONE WITHOUT ME. FOREVER. NO ONE WILL EVER TOUCH YOU. NOT IF THEY SEE WHAT YOU DO. NO ONE BUT ME!"
"But I don't want you anymore!" I want to scream back. His voice in my head so insistent and loud that it paralyzes me. Something touches my wrist, soft and warm, and yet I flinch.
"Shit, again. I didn't mean to scare you. You didn't respond to my question... I'm sorry, okay?" Adrien's voice is calm, approachable, I can't hear any indifference, any malice. He's nice, still, even though I've been completely out of my head all evening.
My head is so loud, but I don't want to listen tohimanymore. I want to listen to Adrien, I want that, for me. Even though I may never have more than that.
"I’m fine, everything's fine. I just have a lot on my mind. What did you ask?"
"I asked you if you’d like to tell me how you got into dancing and how you met Nika."
"You want to know about dancing?" Is he serious? Or is this some kind of ploy to make fun of me?
"Absolutely! That was absolutely amazing what you two did there. I've never seen anything like it. If I didn't know better, I could have sworn there was something going on between you! It felt so real!"
Élias suddenly laughs. "He was even a little bit jealous."
"Of me?" The question is out faster than I want it to be. Thank you, voice, now you're working, fantastic.
But Élias just laughs even louder and shakes his head. "No, of Nika!"
Help, I'm completely out of control, my head is spinning, and my eyes are fixed on Adrien’s. He just shrugs his shoulders apologetically and smiles sheepishly.
"You're... are you... you're gay?"
Adrien's expression changes and for a very short moment I'm afraid that I've said something wrong. Admittedly, it was bold, but my mouth was quicker than my brain. I've been asking myself that question all week, it needed to get out.
I brace myself for a harsh reply, but it doesn't come. A veil of uncertainty settles over Adrien's eyes, and he swallows hard.Twice. I have no idea what Nika and Élias are doing. Right now, it's just Adrien and me in the room.
His anxious nod triggers a wave of feelings in me that had been hiding in the dark for so long. My stomach tingles, a shiver of excitement runs down my spine and everything turns. "Cool...uh...me too, you know?"
Chapter 10
Adrien
"Hey, you. Slept well?" Élias is standing outside my door, grinning. He's in a far too good mood for this early, it's only... Oh shit. A glance at the clock tells me it's already half past eleven. Oops. I just shake my head and let him through the door.
"How did you even get into the house?"
"This elderly woman who lives below you came out and let me in. She said she knows me by now and winked. My guess is she thinks there's something going on between us."
For a brief moment, everything tightens up inside me, but when Élias starts laughing heartily and loudly, the tension falls off just as quickly as it came. It's okay that I'm gay, I'm allowed to be gay, I'm allowed to be who I am. This feeling is completely new to me.
