He took in a deep, slow breath, dragging his palms over his eyes before shifting in the seat and reaching out for me. When his warm hands glided up my arms and onto my shoulders, I stiffened, but didn’t pull away.
“Of course I want it,” he said. His voice was softer now, more gentle. Like I was a rabid animal he was trying to lure into a trap so I wouldn’t bite and infect him. “I want you towantto do it, not because you’re filling out some spreadsheet of sexual favors and one column is longer than the other.”
When I refused to meet his gaze, he dragged his hands up from my shoulders to cup my jaw, his thumbs brushing over my bottom lip as he forced me to face him and stare into his eyes.
“Everything I’ve done to you, for you, whatever, has been because I wanted to, not because I expect something from you in return. I don’t do transactional… Whatever we are. Hookups, or dates, or anything.”
“I…” Feeling stupid, but not quite as miserably humiliated, I resisted the urge to squirm in his grasp and escape from his eyes. “I didn’t mean to make it transactional.” When he said it like that, it sounded cold and clinical. It hadn’t been my intention, but… I loathed the feeling of owing anyone anything, of feeling beholden to anyone.
I’d watched my mom beg and scrimp for odd jobs and cash and favors my entire life, and I never, ever wanted to be in that position. I couldn’t stomach it, not even in a friends with benefits situation… Or whatever we were. Even Caelyx didn’t know what to call us, although if the nickname he’d made up for himself and forced his imaginary version of me to call him by, he wasn’t exactly opposed to the idea of being more than hookups.
But that was only because he was stuck here, forced into going to college by his dad, with no money and no access to the lifestyle he’d rather have, wasn’t it? It would be idiotic to let myself get emotionally invested in something that was so obviously only temporary. I mean, what would he do? Drag someone like me to his dad’s glitzy parties, and put me up in some mansion? His world and my world weren’t exactly compatible.
But that didn’t mean I couldn’t go with the flow and try to enjoy myself. As long as I could keep my head and know that I couldn’t get too serious, then we wouldn’t have any problems. And I’d never lost my head and gotten too attached to a guy.
His fingers tightened briefly on my jaw, a quick and light squeeze that brought me back to the present moment. The surprising strength in his hands, and the length of his fingers immediately reminded me of how adept he’d been at jerking me off.
“I know you didn’t,” he said. “You’ve never really asked me for anything, you know that?”
“I hate asking for favors.”
“Yeah, I’m figuring that out,” he said, giving me a tiny grin and tilting his head without breaking our eye contact. “Please stop worrying so much about who’s doing what, or who owes who anything. I don’t know what the other guys you’ve been with were like, but that’s not something I’m ever thinking about.”
Taking in a deep breath, I let it out slowly, trying not to shiver. His thumbs were still resting on my lower lip, the lightest pressure imaginable, the sensation just barely there. I twisted my head a little, pressing a tiny kiss to the pad of one of them.
“I’m sorry,” I said, the words feeling foreign in my mouth. Not because I didn’t mean them, but because I almost never found myself in a situation where I needed to use them.
“The whole point of us hooking up was to relieve your stress,” he reminded me, and suddenly the sensation of his thumb stroking across my bottom lip felt a little too good, my dick swelling up and twitching. “Why are you thinking so much?”
“You’re right,” I admitted, hoping I didn’t sound as breathless as I suddenly felt. “I shouldn’t be. I just… This is all kind of different for me.”
“Different is good,” he murmured, his eyes locked onto my mouth as his thumb probed in just the tiniest bit, nudging at my tongue. I licked it, before closing my lips over it and sucking, like I wanted to do to the head of his cock. He bit down into his lip and let out a ragged breath. “You drive me so fucking crazy, Cupcake.”
I knew he meant I was turning him on, but I figured the statement worked in a different way, too.
“It would be easier for you, you know… To do this with someone else,” I said softly, before letting my tongue flatten against the pad of his thumb.
“You’re right,” he replied, his pupils dilating as his fingers tightened on my jaw again. The tiny, enclosed space of mycar felt hot now, too hot, but I didn’t care. My whole body was starting to tingle and throb and I couldn’t remember why I’d tried so hard to fight the closeness between us. I’d always enjoyed sex, some instances more than others, but I understood now it’d been in a prideful, almost detached kind of way. I’d never throbbed and ached, my body practically begging and screaming for more contact from any guy. Not until Caelyx fucking Vane. “So much easier.”
“So why don’t you?” I asked, barely resisting the urge to chase his thumb with my mouth when he gently slipped it away from me.
“I only want you,” he said, and the simple, uncomplicated honesty in the statement sent a bloom of…somethingracing through my bloodstream to prickle at my chest.
Keeping my eyes locked on his, I placed my hand on his torso, dragging it down until I reached the space between his thighs. His cock was stiff, straining against the confines of his jeans. I barely had to apply any pressure to have him whimpering, pleading for more with his big, blue eyes.
“I’m going to suck your cock now,” I rasped out, shifting down in the seat to where I could hover over his lap. I was pretty sure I didn’t need to clarify that my motivation no longer came from a place of obligation. I’d never felt so eager to give anyone head before, but I felt slightly feral now, practically drooling to taste him.
He reached down and fumbled with his button and zipper, the frantic and even slightly clumsy motion charming me. He was desperate, too. I nudged the hem of his boxers down to let his thick cock out, his breathy little groan giving me dopamine like a drug.
His cockhead was slick and soaked with precum, so much that it had already started dripping down his shaft. I caught thetrail with my tongue, laving it up the length up to his slit, where more salty droplets oozed out.
“Do you always have this much precum?” I wondered, and he shuddered, letting out a soft chuckle as he nodded.
“Yeah. It’s a lot, I know.” He sounded almost apologetic.
“It’s hot,” I assured him, closing my lips around him and suckling, urging more out into my mouth. “Really hot,” I added, and he whimpered again, his hips twitching up like he couldn’t help it. “You’re going to leak like a fucking faucet when I’m pounding your prostate.”
He let out a ragged noise, his chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, like he was out of breath.
