“Why do you think I hooked up with a guy at the rave?” I asked, unsure how to answer without incriminating myself if he didn’t really know that much.
“Well, I saw you walk behind the barn and I saw him follow you. And you guys were back there for… Some time. And then, just… I don’t know, body language,” he said, in his signature soft voice. Sometimes I wondered how this sugary sweet creature could be so devoted to and in love with Arie, such a loud and chaotic presence. Then again, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“Wait, who was it?” Ren asked. “Anyone I know?”
Che glanced over to Ren, then back to me, his brown eyes silently seeking for me to indicate what I wanted to be open about.
“N-no,” I stammered out. “It wasn’t, um… I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, then instantly felt a bloom of guilt in my stomach. I’d have felt like complete shit if I’d found out a guy I’d hooked up with had been too embarrassed to admit it had been with me. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed or ashamed that I’d fucked around with Caelyx. He was hot. There was no reason to feel like that, but… We were all friends, and it was kind of awkward. “I mean, it’s just, uh…”
“It’s okay, Aspen,” Ren said quickly, his dark brows furrowed together. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
I sighed, rubbing my temples in little circles with my fingers. “It’s not a big deal, okay? We’re just hooking up, and… It’s chill. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Okay,” Ren said easily.
“It’s not, like, a secret or anything. I’m not embarrassed about him. It’s just… We don’t need to talk about it.”
“Okay,” Ren reiterated, glancing briefly at Che, who cleared his throat.
“So… It is the same guy, then,” he determined, and I gave him a dry look.
“Obviously, yes,” I said, then lightly groaned as another thought occurred to me. “Did you tell Arie about this?”
Che shook his head quickly, a subtly apologetic smile on his cute, pouty lips.
“Don’t you think if I’d mentioned it to Arie that he would have already interrogated you about it?” He asked, and he had a point. Arie had already teased Caelyx and I about havingtensionandchemistryor whatever dumb thing he called it.
“Yeah, okay,” I said, grateful for that, at least. “Can we just move on?” I asked, and they both eagerly changed the subject to something else.
And then once we finally got into a game, we focused on that, and no one brought it up again.
But it nagged at me until Che left and Ren and I turned off the lights and went to sleep.
A HANDFUL OFhours later, the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand, as well as the bright flash from the screen, ripped me out of my semi-peaceful sleep. Groaning into my pillow as I reached out for it, my stomach sank as I read the caller’s contact name. Scrambling to a sitting up position, I grabbed it and hit accept.
“Mom?” I answered, dragging the back of my arm over my eyes to try to clear them of all the fuzz. It was almost 3:00 in the morning. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” she said, before calling me the name she’d given me, the one I’d stopped using. Her words were slurred, and I knew she was drunk.
“No, Mom. I’m Aspen now, remember?”
“Oh, yes,” she acknowledged. “I’m sorry, honey. Aspen.” She said it firmly this time, as if it would help cement it into her memory.
“What’s the matter? Are you hurt?”
“I’m…” She paused, and my fingers tightened on the phone, nausea rolling through my guts and rising up to my throat. “I’m okay, really. I’m just lonely. I tried calling your sister, but she didn’t pick up.”
My sister was six years older than me, with a husband and a daughter.
Relieved it didn’t seem like she was injured or anything serious had happened, I let out a shaky breath.
“Kristen’s asleep, Mom. You know she has to be up early to get Emma on the bus.”
“I know. I just don’t have anybody to talk to.”
I heard the sound of Ren rustling around in his bed, and could barely make out the image of him sitting up, too.
“Is everything okay?” He whispered, and I cupped my hand over the bottom part of my phone to muffle my voice from her.
