When I reached the corner of his mouth, I paused, my breath mingling with his. “Do you want me to leave?” I asked, my voice small with vulnerability.
It was a callback to our kiss in the garden a lifetime ago.
Tell me the truth. No more lies. Do you want me to leave?
I wished with everything in me that I could redo those forty-eight hours. Since that wasn’t possible, I had no choice but to wait, my stomach in knots.
Sebastian didn’t move for an agonizingly long moment. When he turned his head toward me again, his expression was tortured. I saw the war raging inside him, and for a brief, heart-stopping second, I thought he might say yes.
But his response came out rough and raw, as if he hated himself for his weakness. “No.”
I didn’t get a chance to react before he grabbed my face with his hands and crushed the word between our lips. His letter fluttered to the floor as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back with equal fervor.
Smoke and whiskey filled my lungs. The kiss was hard and desperate, like we were trying to make up for weeks, months,yearsof distance and longing. It was a culmination of everything we’d wanted but held back on, and the last barriers between us crumbled as I surrendered myself completely.
I wanted to drink him in forever, but we eventually had to break for air. We pulled apart, our foreheads pressed together as we caught our breaths.
Sebastian traced the edge of my locket with his thumb, his face softening. “Nice outfit,” he said, a tinge of familiar amusement in his voice.
Relief bloomed, free and unencumbered by my earlier uncertainty.Thiswas my Sebastian, not the cold, unfeeling stranger who’d greeted me at the door.
“I figured the time for subtlety was long past. Also…” My breath hitched when his fingers brushed against the bare skin of my throat. “This sweatshirt is really comfortable.”
His chuckle filled me with warmth.
I didn’t want to ruin the moment by bringing up the pastagain, but I had to know. We had to figure out what’d happened, if only so we could put it behind us.
“All these years, you thought I wrote that awful response,” I said. “Why didn’t you confront me about it? If I confessed my feelings to someone and that was their reaction, I would’ve lost it.” It was one thing to turn someone down; it was another to do it so heartlessly.
But Sebastian had never given any indication he was mad at me. Our banter and rivalry had continued, uninterrupted, through college and our twenties. It wasn’t until Radhika’s wedding that I had an inkling something was wrong.
“Because,” he said quietly, his gaze coming up to meet mine again. “I didn’t want to lose you.”
Emotion swelled in my throat. I thought about all the years we’d lost, and another ache ripped through me.
But strangely enough, part of me was also glad our relationship had unfolded the way it had. I wasn’t sure our younger selves would’ve been mature enough to make it in the long run. We were different people back then, still learning, still too stubborn and prideful to bend even when the situation called for it.
“You won’t lose me,” I said. “I’ll always be here.”
Sebastian smiled, but it didn’t fully reach his eyes. “Don’t break my heart, Sal.”
My chest fractured. How could I break his heart when he was already breaking mine?
I stood on tiptoes and kissed him again, letting my touch convey the emotions I didn’t have the words to articulate.
The taste of whisky wasn’t as strong this time around, but it was still enough to make me dizzy. “How much did you drink tonight?” I asked, half amused and half worried.
“Enough that I thought it might make me forget a certain person who haunted my every waking moment.” His tone was sardonic.
His reply shouldn’t have made me as happy as it did. At least I wasn’t the only one consumed by our separation these past few weeks. “Did it?”
“Not even close.”
Sebastian pulled me close again, and any stray thoughts vanished as I lost myself in his embrace. He made me feel like the rest of the world didn’t exist when we were together, and I couldn’t believe there’d been a time when I thought I could survive without him. Withoutthis.
My hands roamed over his shoulders and down his arms. Our kiss grew hotter, more urgent, but when I tried to tug his shirt over his head, he stopped me with a shake of his head.
“Not tonight,” he said.
