“You bet your ass I am!”
Leave it tohimto have me laughing at a time like this.
“So, if you’re not returning my phone call, tell me what’s on your mind.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and work up to it.
“I messed up,” I admit, closing my eyes as water laps against the rocks below. “I crossed the line, and I can’t take it back. But honestly, there was so much before this that only made my latest fuck-up seem that much worse.”
My grandfather is silent on the other end, and I can only guess what he’s thinking. Then again, he’s always been the kind of man who will justtellyou, instead of leaving you guessing.
“It’s not another woman, is it?”
His voice is low and gruff, not hiding that he’ll kick my ass if the answer to that question isyes.
“Of course not. Blue is it for me. She’s…”
My voice trails off when I finish that statement in my thoughts. That’s she’s all I’ve fucking wanted since the moment I laid eyes on her. That she’s not just apart ofmy life, sheismy life.
But I don’t have it in me to say those things out loud, because I can’t promise I won’t lose my shit if I do.
“Okay, well tell me what happened?”
I hear Grandpa’s bed creak in the background. I imagine him sitting up now, leaning his back against the headboard as he slides his glasses on before reaching for the lamp.
“Blue left last night. Hasn’t called, won’t answermycalls. I’m just…. I don’t know what the fuck to do.”
Normally, I’d apologize for swearing in his presence, but I’m raw with emotion, not myself, and I think he knows that.
My heart aches in a way it hasn’t in a long time. Not since I lost her years ago because, like now, I had my head up my ass. But back then, she was only my girl. Today, what we are is much deeper and far more vital to me than that.
She’s my wife.
“Son, women don’t leave without good reason, so tell me what happened.”
I run through the last several months in my head, knowing it was much more thanthisincident that drove her away, but that’s too much to unpack in one conversation.
“I got bad news from the doctor, didn’t take it well, and when she and I got into an argument, I left and… I was drinking.”
My grandfather is silent. He’s gotten to know Blue well over the years, and she’s trusted him enough to tell him about her life, about her parents’ battle with addiction. So, Grandpa knows all too well why my actions would drive her away.
“I see,” he says with a sigh. “I hate to see you kids going through this, but as much as it pains me, West, it sounds like you’ve got some major groveling to do. She drew her line in the sand, and you danced right on over it. You’ve gotta make it right.”
“I know, but how the hell can I do that when she won’t even talk to me?” Anger seeps out, and it’s not toward him or evenBlue.I guess, it’s aimed toward myself.
“I’ll be honest with you, because you know that’s the only way I know how to give it to you. I don’t blame the girl for hiding out to process what’s going on,” he says. “Now, don’t get me wrong. I hear you. I don’t know what your doctor said, but I can understand how another setback after your last surgery would be tough on you. So, I’m not dismissing how you feel, either. And I’m proud of you for taking ownership when you mess up. Now, since you can’t take back what’s already been done, all you reallycando is make it a point to do better moving forward. But first things first, you need to apologize.”
“That’s hard to do when she won’t even pick up her phone.” I scoff.
“Since when is a telephone the only way to communicate with someone. Say what you need to say to herface.”
“Yeah, but I don’t even know where she is. She turned her location off when she left, and she told her security detail not to follow her. I tried her friends, her sister…”
“Well, where there’s a will, there’s a way. And if I know you, West, you’ll find a way.”
His final words sit with me long after our call ends, and he’s right. But whileImay not be able to find Blue myself, there’s one person none of us caneverhide from for long. Which means I only need to sit back and wait.
*
