I tuck my phone into my pocket and glance around. The smell of fresh coffee and lemon cleaner hangs in the air as my gaze settles on the bookcase across the room. I can’t read titles from where I’m sitting, but I imagine the shelves are lined with psychology and self-help books.
Or whatever therapists are into.
Making this appointment was a big step, but I’d put it off long enough. Yes, Blue’s mentioned seeing a counselor as a couple, but something about starting here, on my own, felt right.
Waking up on the couch together the morning after our date yanked me out of the bubble of stupidity I’d been stuck in for months. There was something about realizing that the only thing stopping me from havingmoremornings just like that one… is me. I was more aware than ever of everything I stood to lose, more aware of wanting to be a better man, and I decided to finally turn all my good intentions and promises into action.
So, I made the call.
A light knock hits the door, and I wasn’t expecting that sound to make my heart race. After a second, a small woman with hair graying at the temples pops her head into the room.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Golden.”
I nod and take a breath. “Good afternoon.”
She lowers into the seat across from the couch where I’ve made myself comfortable. Well, as comfortable as possible, considering I’m scared shitless right now.
“It’s a pleasure meeting you. I’m Dr. Lee.”
I nod again. “Pleasure meeting you as well.”
She adjusts her suit jacket, then pulls a pen from her pocket to place on the blank notebook resting in her lap.
“Now, I know seeing a new doctor for the first time can be intimidating, so just remember to take your time today.”
“Noted. This is actually my first time seeing a therapistperiod.”
“All the better. We’re truly starting with a clean slate,” she smiles. “Tell me what brings you in today.”
I take a deep breath and think for a moment. My thoughts shift to Pandora, all the shit she’s stirred up in all our lives, then I blurt out an answer that feels like it sums up the highlights.
“Basically, a public relations nightmare that’s spiraled out of control.”
Dr. Lee flashes a polite smile but doesn’t speak. Her stare leaves me unsettled, forcing me to dig deeper when I can guess she knows that’s not the real answer.
“My wife. We’ve been struggling lately. This feels like the next step to earning her trust again.”
This time, she nods but still doesn’t say a word.
My stomach twists, and I realize something. There are several people I can bullshit about this situation, but Dr. Lee doesn’t seem to be one of them. So, I try again, but this time I lower my guard completely, which feels counterintuitive. But if I’m really going to do this, if I’m really going to become a better man… I have to put in the work.
So, keeping that in mind, I give the real answer.
“Me.” I pause to gather my thoughts. “I’m here because of me. Because I’ve become my own worst enemy.”
I half expect her to keep drilling me in silence, but when her smile softens, and she makes a note on her pad, I know I finally got it right.
“I’ve recently realized that I tend to take theignore-it-until-it-goes-awayapproach to life, and that hasn’t worked out for me all that well. So, this is me trying to change that.”
“Well, I may be biased because this is my profession, but I like to think therapy is a great first step,” she says. “Have you found any other ways to make strides toward change?”
I give the question some thought. “I had another consultation with my orthopedic doctor yesterday, then I scheduled my shoulder surgery this morning.”
“That’s a big one.”
“Yeah,” I nod. “His office is in this building actually. That’s how I found you.”
“Oh, perfect!” she smiles. “So, I’m curious. Why now? Why make the call about surgery now? Why start therapy sessions now?”
