Matt hasn’t changed. He’s never made me feel unworthy of or less than him.
You might wake up and realize you want to stay. That you actually like being my wife.
I swallow, my eyes brimming with tears.
Dammit.
I don’t want to have to redo my makeup. I won’t be on time if I do.
I sit up and reach for my towel, dabbing carefully at my eyes.
I don’t need to wake up to know that one’s true. I do like being married to Matt. I just haven’t processed what we’re doing asmarriage… because it’s not.
We didn’t get married for love, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.
I love Cole. I care about him and his future, of course I do, but…
I love Matt, too. I’ve always loved Matt. And it’s the only reason I said yes. There isn’t another single person I would do this for.
Cole was just the excuse that allowed me to say yes.
You’re allowed to stay.
That one.
That’s the one that won’t leave me alone.
I haven’t allowed myself to consider an alternate ending. Matt saidget married, then divorced,and that was my cue to put my shield up. To protect my heart. I never let myself think,What if we don’t get divorced?
Why would I?
Matt’s not exactly the guy who gets excited about marriage. In all the time we dated, we only discussed it once, and it was brief. We were over before it ever had the chance to become real.
But hearing him say that…
God. Did he even mean it?
If I didn’t know him so well, maybe I could pretend he didn’t.
But Matt doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean.
I’ve known since I was fifteen that Matt was the end goal. He’s the one I pictured my future with: marriage, babies, the house in the Hamptons with two dogs and a cat.
Jesus. What the hell have I been doing?
The man of my literal dreams is out there. The same boy I fell in love with—only stronger, wiser, and still choosing me twenty years later. And I’ve been denying him because of what—other fucking people? My family. The tabloids. My insecurities.
That’s ameproblem. My ego.
It’s always been a me problem.
My throat tightens.
Shit.
I blink, and a stream of tears fall, slow and painful, the sting of wasted time burning down my cheeks.
I’ve been blaming everyone else. Clinging to my justifications. Telling myself it was for Matt, that he’d be better off without me. That I was holding him back.
