Yeah… that’s the other thing. My mind keeps wandering into places it probably shouldn’t.
“Alright. How was your day?”
I open my eyes again, not irritated, but not exactly in the mood to have a conversation through a closed door while I’m trying to relax.
“It was good. I’ll tell you about it in a bit. I’m almost done.”
He takes the hint. “Okay. I’ll be out here when you’re ready.”
A smile tugs at my lips. Like I didn’t already know that.
“Okay.”
He walks away, and I let my thoughts drift right back to him.
I’ve been clear from the very beginning about what I want. And it’s always the same damn thing.
How can something so sexy make me feel this conflicted?
I already know the answer. I’ve been dancing around it all day.
The truth is buried somewhere deep in the pile of shit I call denial—the place I tell myself things I know aren’t true, just to make myself feel better. To justify my actions.
This particular lie is labeledMatt only wants to sleep with me for sex.
Because Matt sleeps with everyone. And it’s easier to believe that than admit he might want more.
Sure, he makes constant jokes about sleeping together. Flirts shamelessly. Stands right on the edge of the line with that sexy, infuriating smirk, waiting for me to break.
And when I do?
He’s always there when I wake up.
Jensen once told me a guy will never waste his time on a woman he’s not interested in. Even in a friends-with-benefits situation. Because at the end of the day, no man will put in the extra effort to be friends with a woman just to sleep with her. If he’s not interested, there would only be sex. Nothing more.
It might just be Jensen’s opinion. But it stuck with me.
And the amount of time Matt has spent on me?
It’s unmatched.
Richard didn’t put in half the effort Matt does. And Matt’s not even getting laid. He never looked at me the way Matt does. His hand never lingered on my back.
Matt makes me feel beautiful. Sexy. Desired. God, one look from him does more for me than sex ever did with Richard. Or anyone.
But it isn’t just that.
No one has ever made me feel like their number one priority the way Matt does. I’m the person he looks for in a room full of people. The one he wants to talk to. The one he wants to go home with.
He keeps choosing me.
Over and over.
And I’ve kept running.
A sting builds behind my eyes.
It sucks to realize the only reason you’re unhappy is because of yourself. Because you’ve never been brave enough to take what you want, even when it’s been right in front of you the whole time, regardless of everyone else’s opinions.
