“Come on, don’t act like a coward. You are no saint,” she yelled, and anger filled me. I quickly grabbed her neck and pushed her beneath me.
“Exactly,” I roared.“I’m not a saint, nor am I that old Agastya. You stupid woman.”
Standing up immediately, I intended to head home. I needed to be close to her, not anyone else.
While rushing out on my way, I could see blurry visions of naked women and could hear their sensual voices. I covered my ears, trying to focus on breathing, and rushed toward my horse. It was extremely painful.
As I mounted, I kicked him twice, gesturing to him to speed up and take me home. Removing my turban, I allowed the cool air to soothe my head and calm my nerves.
Her vision clouded my sight, and I shook my head.
“No, not like this,” I cursed and rode back home.
It was past midnight when I arrived. I quickly dismounted my horse and rushed into my chamber.
As soon as I walked in, I took off my kurta. The heat overwhelmed me. My veins bulged out more prominently on my skin, and it felt as if I was going to explode. My eyes felt itchy and hot.
Suddenly, my gaze fell on her as she entered my chamber, staring at me with worry and confusion.
“Kunwar-sa, what happened?” she asked, and I stumbled back a few steps from her.
“Not now…not now,”
Her frightened expression grew more pronounced as she peered at my face.
“Go back,”
“But what happened? Are you okay? Are you not feeling well?” she asked.
I couldn’t help but raise my voice.“I said, go back.”
She visibly shivered at my tone, and I noticed a tear slipping down her cheek.
“Please, go back,” I requested in a low voice, already feeling my control slipping out. My fists clenched as she ran away, and I fell to my knees.
The cold floor soothed me as I lay on my bare back, trying to calm my breathing, but it didn’t work.
Finally, I rose to my feet in haste, undid my pants, and walked into my bathroom. I sat in the pool until the last ounce of heat left my body.
?????
11. Suman
“G
o back, please.” His words struck my heart, and I stepped away from him. But he looked worried—not just worried, but troubled and unwell.
What was wrong with him, and why was he wearing black clothes and had kohl applied to his eyes?
Had he been somewhere? Why was he so hot? It seemed he had a fever.
It was early morning, and I had woken up because of the racing thoughts in my mind. I sensed something was amiss when I saw him nearly sprinting to his chamber.
After following him, I realised that something was indeed wrong.
But he sent me out of his chamber.
Since then, I’ve been helping the maids in the kitchen, yet he still hasn’t called for breakfast. It was almost noon. I felt worried because he had given me that black thread the other day, which was missing from his hand.
