Hum thode dusht aur sharaarati hain, maante hain ki tumhe bahut tang bhi karte hain, kintu tumhaare saath ye sab karna humein anuchit nahi lagta. Tumhaare saath to jaise hum apna youvan aur baalpan, dono hi jee rahe hain. Vishwaas hai ki tum rusht bhi ho jaaogi tab bhi prem karna nahi chodogi. Chintit rahogi humaare liye.
Eshwar hi jaane kya likhe jaa rahe hain hum.
Likhna to waise kuch vishesh aata nahi hai humein. Ganit aur ganana mein nipun hain hum, to sabhi bhaavnaaon ko ek jut karke likh diya. Aur antim parinaam yah aaya ki, is sansaar mein hum sabse adhik prem keval tumse karte hain, Suman—aur sada karte rahenge.
Upahaar mein tumhe kya dein samajh hi nahi paa rahe the, to socha chalo kuch likh lete hain.
Kabhi-kabhi bhool jaati ho tum ki tumhaara pati bhi hai, usse bhi prem karna hai, isiliye smaran karaane hetu ye patra upyogi hoga.
Theek hai, to, accha…
Tumhaara priya, Agastya.
(Suman,
I don’t know why, but the first time I saw you, my eyes simply stayed on you… for a few still moments. You stood quietly in a distant corner, far from everyone’s gaze, quietly toying with the hem of your dupatta. I didn't feel anything then, at least that’s what I believed. Perhaps after that day, I never really looked at you again with any true attention. Never once did such a thought wander into my mind about you.
But whenever you would enter my chambers on some errand, or approach me to ask about meals and arrangements, something in me stirred, though I never paused long enough to understand what it was.
But everything changed the day I read that letter from your in-laws.
And when I learnt that widows in your community were expected to burn on their husband’s pyre, a strange sense of anxiety arose within me. It felt as though one day you would stop coming to me, stop asking me if I’d eaten. A strange restlessness took hold of me…
Had it been any other woman, I still would have stepped forward to protect her, but only protection, nothing beyond. Yet when the question of marrying you arose, I felt no hesitation. Even knowing that my alliance with Rashmika was nearly certain, I didn’t falter for a moment while marrying you. It felt undeniably right.
I tried many times afterwards to drive you out of my thoughts, but each time I saw you, I could not look away. My eyes seemed to exist only to find you.
In your presence, everything around me felt still and calm, yet a storm raged with equal force.
And when I realised that you, too, perhaps felt something similar for me, I lost control of myself. Every time, the closer you came, the more I slipped… and you never stopped me.
I didn’t even realise when a maid of Suryagarh became the queen of my heart. A heart I believed broken, useless, which I had lost faith in, you claimed that heart without even letting me know.
Since then, I haven’t been able to imagine myself with anyone else.
I never thought one choice would bring me here, that the man who once dreamt of loving a princess would instead fall irrevocably for a simple, ordinary girl.
But I love you, Suman. I love you deeply.
When you’re hurt, I feel unsettled. I want to say anything, do anything, just to make you smile. And when you are happy, I feel as though something inside me blossoms.
When you’re with me, time slips like sand through my fingers, and when you’re gone, that same sand pricks like thorns beneath my skin.
Yes, I know I’m mischievous, troublesome even. I tease you more than I should because with you, none of it feels wrong. With you, I feel like I’m living both my youth and my lost childhood at once. I believe that even if you’re angry, you won’t stop loving me. You'll still be worried about me.
I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore.
I’m not particularly good at writing. Yes, I’m adept with numbers and calculations, so I gathered every scattered feeling I possess and set them down for you. And by the end, the result is that, in this universe, I love no one more than I love you, Suman. And I always will.
I couldn’t think of a gift worthy enough for you, so I thought of writing this letter. You sometimes forget that you have a husband who needs your love too… so let this letter serve as a little reminder.
Alright then… enough for now.
Yours, Agastya.)
Phew…. Finally.
I rolled the letter. It was way more difficult than I had thought. But I unfolded it again and read it once.
