However, I made a grave mistake and did things I would’ve never done to anyone else.
I was so caught up in my fear of getting hurt and pushing him away that I ended up hurting him. Nandani was right. I made it all about myself when it wasn’t about me at all.
He was always helpful, loving, caring, and responsible toward me.
And I ended up comparing him to my dead husband, which he was not.
I was measuring this one parameter between them. The term‘manwhore’was traumatic for me. I couldn’t focus on anything else when it penetrated my mind.
I couldn’t think beyond or less than that. I couldn’t grasp how or why Kunwar-sa was sharing this with me.
And genuinely, I was wrong. He was not.
I didn’t trust him when he repeatedly insisted that Princess Rashmika loved someone else.
I believed my own eyes, trusting only what I thought would bring me pain.
With my eyes, I also saw him caring for me, fighting for me, loving me, making me happy, laughing with me, and bringing joy to my life. However, my insecurities made me focus on other things I had seen.
I could have handled it better.
Over these months, I understood that, like me, he had gone through something traumatic and unhappy events in his life. Even though my experience was more painful, it didn’t mean his was any less.
Still, he remained there to protect and care for me, never making me feel wrong about myself.
Now, I was happy. I discovered what was wrong with me, and I was working on it.
I realised too late that the problem was not in him, but in me. If there had been any other man, even someone who had never been in a relationship with a woman, I would’ve reacted the same way.
So I didn’t need to taunt him about his past or make him feel bad about it.
But I think he knew. He knew what was happening to me. Thankfully, he left, giving me time to reflect. If he had been here, I would never have understood what his presence meant in my life or what his care, love, and affection were worth. But all in all, things were getting better.
Another three months had passed, and Princess began to speak a few words, though they were not coherent.
She was beautiful, and there was another piece of good news: Princess Aishwarya was two months pregnant, and Kunwar-sa was not aware of it. He was busy implementing new rules and policies in Mehrangarh and looking after the kingdom.
Princess Rashmika seemed happy, but I still did not know who she loved.
He was infrequent in his letters, sending them only to Ranaji. Nandani asked me a few times if I wanted to call him back. She told me he would return if she asked Ranaji to bring him, but I declined. I tried to respect his decision, just as he respected mine.
Honestly, I missed him very much.
It was the Princess’s first birthday the next day. I knew he would come, not for anyone but for her. After all, she was his favourite child. I felt a strange happiness bubbling inside me. I was under my comforter. It was past midnight, and I couldn’t sleep anymore.
I didn’t know what I would do when I saw him or how he would react to seeing me.
Would he still be upset about it? Would he be happy to see me? Would he be missing me, too?
I envisioned him with longer hair. His trimmed look intimidated me dangerously. I didn’t know if he would ask me if I was okay, and what was happening to me.
I couldn’t sleep all night, feeling butterflies and knots in my stomach. I left bed early, and even the attendants woke up before me. It was a celebration in the palace: the princess’s first birthday.
The palace was filled with many guests. King Abhinandan and his family had arrived, and even people from Songarh came. It seemed like a grand celebration was underway. But my heart was fluttering for one man.
“Suman,” Nandani called me, and I turned to look at her.“Are all the guests’rooms ready?” She asked, adjusting the dupatta on her head after putting the princess back to sleep.
I nodded with a smile.“Yes, all are ready.”
