“Dekho, humein krodhit na karo,”“See, do not enrage me.” he said, and I thinned my brows.
“Hum krodhit nahi kar rahein aapko. Aapne humein tang kar rakha hai. Humse seedhe muh baat nahi karte, humein dekhte tak nahi, humaari chinta nahi karte, humein sunte nahi, aur kuch nahi karte. Keval humein aabhaas karaate hain ki hum aapke jeewan me kuch nahin hain,”“I’m not enraging you. You have spun my whole life. You don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t care about me, and don’t listen to me. You only make me feel I am nonexistent in your life.” I said, and he stepped even closer to me.
“Patni?”“Wife?” he muttered, glaring at me.“Ah, I see you recall it now. A few days ago, you denied involvement with me and said you didn’t want one. You know what your problem is? You want me, but reject my past. You seek my love, yet you withhold yours. And I refuse to comply with your terms. That’s why I have told you before, and I’m repeating it: stay away from me, be happy, and forget about everything,” he intoned, and I inhaled deeply, hearing his words.
He took a step away from me, but I immediately grabbed his chest and pulled him back.
Our lips almost collided with each other. Our breaths united as I asked,“And what about what I want now?”
Our gazes met.
He gulped, shut his eyes briefly, and pushed my hands down.
“Suman, you’re just angry. This is not who you are. This is just your anger, nothing more. You might want me now, but after two days, you’ll say that you don’t trust me, you don’t feel good with me, and you don’t want to see me, and I shouldn’t have saved you and entered your life,” he retorted, and I bit my lip, shaking my head.
“I was just angry,” I attempted to convey, and he gazed into my eyes.
“And you still are. You don’t understand that I have nothing left in me to give you. I can’t love you anymore; I can’t hold your pain anymore because I have my own to bear. Please, don’t make it harder for me. It would never bother you as much as it bothers me. You’d easily get back to work, forget about me, and be happy.”
I shook my head.“That’s not true. You know I’m not like that,” I said.
He took a deep breath and mumbled,“I know what is true; clearly, you don’t understand. I wasn’t the one who entered your room first. You came into my life, into my chamber that night, seeking comfort. When I asked for it back, you showed that I’m not the man who should seek comfort. You might have feelings for me, but you don’t grasp that I am inseparable from my past. A manwhore, you called me, and I’m not someone made for you. Honestly, I don’t want someone in my life who would try to make me feel disgusting about myself. I’ve spent my entire life running from that feeling, and I don’t want to plunge into that well for the rest of my life.” His eyes were strained, and his voice turned hoarse.
I swallowed, pushing the lump back down my throat.“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what had happened to me. How would you react if you saw me hugging another man?”
He chuckled, lowering his head for a moment.
“Honestly, I wouldn’t have felt anything. I trusted you. I knew that if you had feelings for me, even if you didn’t confess, I understood them and tried to prevent you from falling for me. I always told you I wasn’t the good man you think I am. I knew you were falling for me. And I fucking trusted you. I didn’t stop you from meeting another man. I didn’t stop you from marrying someone else. Even if I had seen you hugging a man or kissing someone, I would have thought maybe he was just a friend or someone in need. Or I might have lost it, thinking he was forcing himself on you, because I knew that if I saw those feelings for me in your eyes, you would never betray me.” His voice rose by the end, making me tremble.
“That’s because I don’t have a past with many men, and you’ve never seen me flirting with anyone. That’s because I’m not that kind of woman,”
“Can you prove it?” he asked me out of nowhere.
I was shocked.“What?” I thinned my brows.
“Yes, can you prove you didn’t meet any men, did not like anyone, look at any, or flirt with any?” he retorted.“I’ve known you for the past few months. How can I know everything about your past and trust what you say?”
My jaw clenched, and my hand rose instinctively, landing a slap on his face.
“How can you say that?” I was seething in anger as I looked into his eyes, turning red with rage.
How could he question my virtue?
“How can you even think like that about me? I told you I did not see anyone, did not meet anyone, did not flirt with anyone, and shared everything about my past; how can you say that?” My voice rose in fury.
He took a step away from me and bit his lip. His green eyes looked dangerous when he said in a slow voice,“You want me to trust what you say about yourself, but when I tell you I have nothing with Rashmika, that she’s just my friend, you say you don’t believe me. That hurt you, didn’t it?” he asked, smiling, more like hiding his true expression.
“I mentioned it to make my point, and that hurt you. Imagine what I went through when the only person I trusted, to whom I told everything about my life without wrapping it in gold, did not even try to listen to me for once, for even once, Suman,” he drawled. I blinked silently, comprehending what he meant.
“That is the problem. If we are together, you’ll never believe what I say; you’ll always think based on your understanding. You would trust your perception of me. And that perception is a manwhore who would cheat on you and be constantly whoring around. No matter how much I try to prove myself, you will always have this doubt. And I don’t want that. I don’t want you to suffer from these doubts and hurt yourself because of me. You deserve a man, a virgin man; it doesn’t matter if he loves you or moves mountains for you; you would be happy and satisfied if he had no past with other women.”
Shaking his head, he added,“Trust me, that is the only kind of husband who can keep you happy, or else you should stay single, and either way, forget about me. Let’s keep your matter aside. I don’t want a woman whom I must explain everything to, rubbing my nose on the ground she walks to prove myself. I’m done with you, Suman. Get it into your head,” he ended calmly, making me gulp.
I watched him walk away, and tears streamed down my cheeks.
I yelled back in anger.“Fine, I will marry Bhan Singh then,”
I gritted my teeth and watched him disappear. I burst into tears and shook my head.
