“You could say that,” he muttered.
“Jay. I wish I could change things. Anton has no interest in me, and I have none in him. We both know it. Neither of us would be doing this if we had a choice.”
His jaw tightened, his hand curling into a fist against the blankets. “If you could choose someone, who would it be?”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “I can’t torture myself with hypotheticals.”
“Nova. When I saw you in that wedding dress, you looked so fucking beautiful. Like everything I could neverhave. It— Fuck. It was so hard to see you and know I’d never be able to have you.”
“I know,” I whispered. “And that’s why I wanted you to meet me tonight. I want you.” My face was burning, and it was a struggle to say the words to his face, but I forced them out. “You were my first kiss, and I want you to be my first in every way.”
There was a shocked silence. “Nova.Nova. You— Fuck. I was your first kiss?” He rubbed his hand over his mouth, and the abject guilt and pain in his eyes killed me. “I-I didn’t know. I would never have—Fuck. I would give anything to go back and change the past.Anything.”
My lip trembled. “You took my first kiss, but I want to give you the rest of my firsts.”
“No,” he rasped. “No. I don’t deserve that. Not now, not ever. Not after the way I treated you.”
“Yes, you do. Believe me, this isn’t a snap decision. This is me, making a choice to give this to you. If you want it. Because I want you, Jay. Only you.”
“Fuck, Nova. I want you too. You don’t even know how much.” The heat in his gaze sent a shiver of desire through my body.
“Then will you let me give myself to you?”
“Oh, princess. You’ve got it the wrong way around. I’m going to give myself to you.” Wrapping his arms around me, he lowered his head, his lips skimming over mine. “I’m going to fuckingworshipyou.”
32
JAY
Nova reclined back on the blankets in front of me, resting on her elbows. Her expression was so open and trusting, and it was almost at odds with the lust in her darkened eyes. I’d told her I was going to worship her, and I meant it. This woman deserved to be worshipped. She deserved fuckingeverything.
I couldn’t believe I’d stolen her first kiss. She knew how sorry I was, but it was something I could never take back. Yet somehow, despite everything, despite the twisted mess between us, despite the choices that had been taken from her, she’d chosen me. Wanted me to be the first man to fuck her.
It was something I’d never even dared to hope for outside of my fantasies. But here we were, and she was trusting me with something so fucking precious, I was going to do everything in my power to make it as good as I could for her.
My cock was a steel bar, aching in my joggers, but for once, I was able to easily ignore it with my need to pleasure her overriding my dick. Crawling across the piles of blanketstowards her, I swallowed hard, the full impact of the situation stunning me all over again.
“I want you to know that I’m going to do everything I can to make this good for you.” My voice came out far too hoarse, and I cleared my throat. The way this woman affected me was like nothing else. “I want you to tell me if I’m going too fast, or too slow, or if there’s anything you’re uncomfortable with, okay?”
She nodded. “I trust you, Jay. I want this. I want everything.”
“I’m gonna give you everything,” I promised. Closing the distance between us, I captured her lips in a kiss, keeping it soft and slow until she was melting into the blankets beneath us. I followed her down, trailing kisses over her jaw and down her throat, while my hand went to the zipper of her hoodie.
“Take it off,” she said breathlessly when I hesitated. It wasn’t like me to hesitate, but there was something about being here in this ancient place away from the rest of the world with the girl I was falling for that made me want to savour every moment.
As I dragged the zip lower, I became aware of two things almost instantly. The first was that she was now grinding up to meet my hips, the soft heat between her thighs rubbing against my throbbing cock, and the second was thatshe was wearing nothing beneath the hoodie.
“Oh, fuck,” I groaned, and she laughed breathlessly.
“Good surprise?”
“You’re killing me.” I nipped at her throat, and her breaths stuttered. Sliding my hands up her stomach, my thumbs tracing the underside of her breasts, I pressed kisses to her collarbone. “There’s no one like you. No one else compares.”
“Jay. Please.” Her hands clutched at my shoulders, her body arching up against mine. “Please.”
“I’ve got you.”
I peeled the clothes away from her body, running my hands all over her, addicted to the sounds falling from her throat. They were the hottest fucking noises I’d ever heard, and they went straight to my dick.
