Buthisturned red-rimmed and wet so many minutes ago. I had been forcing myself to not notice them, but from this distance, it’s damn near impossible to ignore.
“I found it,” I spit out, voice climbing an octave. “I built it. And you all took it away. This club took it and I can’t… how will I…” Defeat echoes into every single word.
How will I find it again in Craven Ridge when I’ve started building it here instead?
Finally my voice gives up on the clog hanging in my throat. God, I hate this. I want to rage, that my heart still hurts because of the things I never got from this forsaken place.
Not love. Nor loyalty. Not the barest of their protection. Not even peace.
Now it’s all sitting in my lap and I have no clue what to do with it. The thought burns my gut while my eyes annoyingly blur.
I shouldn’t have had that second glass of wine.
I collapse back on to the couch, my words having drained me.
Ruin does the same, rubbing a shaky hand over his face. His knuckles are pale, the ink stark against them.
“When all of this is over,” he says, voice hoarse. “And we’ve made sure you’re safe, I’ll take you back myself. Back to Craven Ridge. Back to your… real life. I promise.”
Real life.
My head drops into my hands, my elbows digging into my knees. When I clutch my hair at the temples, I barely register the sting.
I want to tell him that it’s the only thing keeping me here. The promise of eventually leaving the shrine of my nightmares. The place where I felt invisible for years, until finally getting noticed, destroyed me.
But when I look around, I don’t see it anymore. It doesn’t feel like the same club anymore. The fact that I’m even able to sleep in the same room I was dragged out of is a testament to the little peace I’ve gained. It’s far from my sanctuary, but it’s still something.
I reluctantly accept that the man sitting beside me is the architect of it. I recall his words and somehow start to believe them. That this wasn’t guilt. His actions weren’t just regret.
A part of me knew—had already felt—the difference between the cottage Wolf gave me, and this club apartment. They were both driven by a different feeling.
And I feel a bit silly even admitting that it’s because of Ruin that I’m able to make that distinction.
He has somehow become the person I have started to feel safe with. I first had that dreadful realization when Wolf asked me to step away from him in the basement. How my body froze, reluctant to leave the space he always carries for me. That unseen bubble where I can see the relief in his eyes that I’m near and his paralyzing anxiety when I’m not.
But what if he chooses to hurt me again? What if the club and his loyalty to it end up destroying me—again?
The questions rise up in my mind inescapably. I try to shake them off, but it doesn’t work.
“I don’t…” I start, but a resigned sigh escapes me instead. “I don’t trust this change. You all may have had two years to adjust to it. But this is all very sudden to me, Ruin.”
He doesn’t look up. Instead, he frowns, gaze locked on his hands in his lap. Then he nods slowly like the gesture is too tedious for him.
Suddenly, he looks up. A small, dejected smile on his face. “I like the nicknames you give me. But I like you calling me Ruin more.” Almost imperceptibly, he adds, “I like you calling me Theo way more.”
Shock renders me frozen. My eyes widen as I stare at him.
Why would he say that? Only Ol’ Ladies or family members can call the brothers by their legal names. And I’ve faced the repercussions of that firsthand.
‘Dane!’ I had cried out to my brother that night, and he just stood there while the prospect shackled my hands behind me.
Now Ruin wants me to sayhisgiven name? Why?
Another revolting memory surfaces. But I push it down, my head shaking. “Why?” I snap, my gaze hardening. “What would I call you that? Only Ol’ Ladies and—”
“I just… that’s not—fuck, listen,” he says quickly, hands raising. “I’m not propositioning you, Charlotte. I know I don’t even deserve to. I just want to hear my name on your lips. In case this war—well, in case the time isn’t on our side. Just say it once?”
I’m shaking now. The room tilts on its axis as I try to banish that unwanted memory I’d just pushed down. All while the implications of his words start to sink in.
