“If you don’t want to stay with me, that’s fine, but could you stay at Mer or Piper’s until we figure this out? Or I could get you a hotel if you want? I’d go back to Michigan with you, but I can’t miss games.” He rubbed his jaw. “We need some time to figure everythingout.”
“There’s really not much to—” The scent of the fries hit my nose, making me gag. They smelled abhorrent. I tried to go for my water, but I just gagged again.
“Shit, you okay?” His face held so much sympathy that in a normal situation, I probably would’ve laughed.
I thought I settled the feeling, but a second later, I slapped a hand over my mouth and bolted out of the booth for the bathroom.
By the time I finally came back to the table, the cheeseburgers, including his, were untouched on the table.
“You sure you’re ready to go to your parents?” he asked, handing me the ketchup.
“Why?”
“Hate to be the one to tell ya, but it’s fairly obvious once you start barfing.”
I slumped lower in the booth and held my pounding head. “You love that you’re the one to tell me,” I mumbled.
“No,” he sobered. “I really don’t, Ali. Please don’t…”
“What?”
“That makes it sound like I trapped you.” His face looked pained. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I thought we were careful.” His grey eyes closed. “And please don’t think I only want you around because of…” His eyes dipped to my abdomen. “I wanted so badly to steal you from that cruise ship. And now it feels like I did, and I don’t…” He rubbed a hand over his head. “I’m sorry, Ali. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he repeated.
My body went eerily still as I took in the information. “You wanted to steal me from the ship? But instead, you broke it off with me? Make it make sense, JP.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
He shrunk back, looking awfully guilty. “You looked so happy. I was so fucking proud of you, of the life you built for yourself, and I didn’t want to be the one to take it from you.”
I stared at him.“That’swhy you didn’t want to try long distance? Because I looked happy?” Frustration swelled up inside of me. “Did you ever think maybe I looked happy because you were there?”
His mouth dropped open, but no words came out, telling me thatno, that thought hadn’t occurred to him. And while part of me wanted to throw my cold water at him for being so absolutely infuriating, the other half of me wanted to hug him for not realizing his worth, for not realizing that just his presence alone was enoughto make someone happy.
“You should’ve talked to me, JP,” I said forcefully. “We could’ve—” I cut myself off. It didn’t matter now. We couldn’t backslide. We needed to figure out a way forward.
He stared down at his calloused hands and nodded. “I’m sorry.”
I rolled my eyes. “Now you’re makingmefeel bad foryou.” I blew out a breath. “I’m the one who’s life and body is getting all rearranged right now.”
He nodded quickly. “I am sorry, did I say that, yet? I am. If it were the other way around and I was the one pregnant, I’d be freaking the fuck out.”
I tentatively picked up my burger, really hoping it wouldn’t make me sick because it smelled heavenly. “You would?”
“Yes, I swear,” he said with sincere eyes. “Please let me help. Let me in the foxhole with you, yeah?”
Taking in a shaky breath, I nodded slowly, but I still had my reservations. “Okay, you can help me figure out the…” I swallowed hard, “the baby situation, but that’s all.” He looked like he wanted to argue, but I powered on. “I don’t want things to get messy between us. We’re friends, and that’s it, okay? The baby comes first. I can’t afford to fall apart again when you suddenly decide you’re too busy with hockey again.” I knew it was a dig, and while it felt wrong to say anything that would make him uncomfortable, I forced myself to sit with the slight guilt. I forced myself to be strong enough to care more about my own comfort than his.
His forehead creased. “Ali, that was just an excuse. It’s always been an excuse. I only said that because I was—”
“It doesn't matterwhyyou said it, it only matters that you did, and it hurt, JP. You should feel lucky I’m even giving you this.”
His face flinched. “Yeah, you’re right.”
I hated that a little part of my heart died when he didn’t argue more, but deep down, I knew it was for the best. We were good as friends. We could handle a baby together as friends.
“We’re good as friends,” JP said, echoing my thoughts. He gave me a kind smile, but it didn’t make it up to his eyes.
20. JP – YOUR TOUCH
After agreeing to spend the night at my place, Ali nodded off in the shotgun seat on the ten minute ride back to my apartment. While I knew I probably should’ve just woken her up, those bags under her eyes had me questioning how much sleep she’d been getting lately. Instead, I tried my best not to wake her while carrying her up to my place.
