“D-do you really think that’s a good idea?” I finally forced out.
“It’s perfect, Ali. Why not? You like living here, right? You like being with me, right?”
I hesitated.
Ali?” He said my name like he was being betrayed. “Why wouldn’t you want to?” He dropped my wrist and rolled up to a sitting position on the bed. “Is there someone else?”
“What? No,” I said hurriedly. I immediately rubbed his back, trying to soothe him. “We’re just really young.”
“We are, but when you know, you know, right?” He studied my face and it felt like I was in some sort of interrogation. “Why not? Is there someone else?” he asked again.
“No,” I said, right as JP slammed into my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut to clear my head as quickly as possible. I couldn't even let myself think of him. If Mark suspected someone else, this would turn into a horrible night. “I’m just surprised,” I said shakily. “You’ve never talked about marriage before.”
His eyes narrowed. “I’ve always thought we were going to get married. Why does it matter when we do it?”
I suddenly felt lightheaded. My hands were going tingly, like I was holding my breath. I didn’t want to argue with him. We were so happy. I just wanted to stay happy. “O-okay.”
His face relaxed by a fraction, but he was still studying me. “I’ll get you a ring, baby.” He pulled me close to kiss me. It took me a second to reciprocate, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “We could do it soon. You want to, right? We’ll do it before Nationals.”
My head spun. Marriage wasn’t even on my radar. I was only 20. I wasn’t sure if it was something I even wanted. But if it would make my life easier before the lead up to Nationals, then I’d do it. “I-I guess.”
“Perfect.” He planted a sloppy kiss on my lips, and I forced myself to laugh. “I love you so much, Ali. We’re going to be so happy. Just wait until my mom hears the news.” He smiled proudly. “Okay, let’s get to bed. We’ll figure out the details tomorrow.”
When he laid back in bed, he faced the door. I turned to the wall. For once,I liked not facing him.
Did I want to marry Mark?
I wasn’t sure.
But he was sure about me, and wasn’t that more important?
Mark wanted me, and he wasn’t afraid to say it—what was so bad about that? If we got married, he’d feel more secure, and we’d be happy going into Nationals.
If I said no, the ripple effect would surely ruin my shot. The break up would mess with my head, and Katrina would probably make it a point to make it more painful.
Why create an unnecessary mess?
The problem was that I was so consumed by figure skating that I couldn't see life beyond Nationals. I built my entire life around trying to get to the Olympics. That was my only goal, and it blinded me to everything else in life. It didn’t really even register to me that the marriage, or even my life, would move on beyond that point in time…
The other problem was sleep.
Starting that night, my body refused to fully sleep.
I closed my eyes, pretending to sleep until it happened. But it barely happened. My body was tense and stuck on alert, and it refused to shut off.
33. JP - THANKSGIVING GREETINGS & GROCERIES
“You ready?” I asked from the shotgun seat of my truck. I wanted to drive this morning, but Ali refused to get in the truck unless she was behind the wheel. Turns out, that was a good decision because I would’ve had to drive one-handed through the last couple hours of snowfall.
Ali’s knuckles turned white on the wheel as she carefully turned into her parent’s subdivision, which was already a little icy. Ali grew up in the part of town with nice houses that were built close to each other on little postage-stamp sized lawns, making the whole sub look a little cookie-cutter. My dad’s log cabin on the older side of town had five-acres that backed up to Herb’s and the Christmas tree farm.
Ali’s eyes flashed to mine for a brief second. “Gonna have to be, right?”
“It’ll be okay. And if it isn’t, we’ll ditch out and go to my dad’s. Sound good?”
Her face softened. “You think Hank will recognize me?” she asked about my old beagle.
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “I do. He always liked you better than me.”
