I blew out a sigh. “No, I didn't tell them. I didn’t want to make it difficult for you.”
Her face pinched in pain. “If you did, they would’ve told you I went out with Desi the night we docked in Charleston and I accidentally left my phone at a bar. I thought I misplaced it in my room and didn’t realize I left it until we were back out to sea the next morning. I couldn’t get a new phone for about a week and a half.”
My forehead creased. “But you would’ve gotten the messages when you got a new phone.”
“That’s cute,” she said sheepishly.
“What?”
“That’s cute you think I'm responsible enough to make sure my messages were backing up. My storage was full. I lost about a month or two of messages and pictures. I lost the pictures we took together. I told myself it was a good thing, a blessing in disguise,” she said, her voice raspy with emotion.
My heart pretty much bottomed out.
“I couldn’t be reminded of you without crying and feeling sick to my stomach.” She waved a hand in front of her teary face with asnort. “Now I realize it was the added hormones.”
“So, you didn’t get my messages.”
She slowly shook her head. “No, what did you say?” she asked in a small voice.
“You can read them yourself if you want, but I said…” I swallowed hard. This was it. This was my chance to lay it all out there. “I said I was an asshole,” I blurted out.
“Yeah?” She let out a little laugh and wiped her nose. “What else?”
I looked over at her in the passenger seat. Her nose and eyes were red from tearing up, but the glow of Christmas lights from Colt and Mer’s house behind her made her look like an angel. She was the same girl I fell in love with so many years ago, but there were key differences this time around—one being, I wasn’t messing up this time. I’d fight for us, I’d fight for our happy ending. I sucked in a deep breath for courage.
“And I said I have loved you for what feels like my whole fucking life, but I’ve always been too afraid of ruining things. I’ve been too afraid of distance, of feelings.” I shook my head. “When I was young, I used to tell myself that I was too afraid of hurting you. But I think I was also afraid ofyouhurtingme. I knew if you ever left me, I’d fall the fuck apart. I wouldn’t be able to take it. So, it was safer to keep you away. Because you’re it for me. I don’t want anyone else. I haveneverwanted anyone else. And I broke it off with you in July because I was afraid of the potential hurt it would cause both of us in the long run. But Ali—” My voice cracked, but I had to push on. “I don’t think anything has ever hurt as badly as being near you but not being able to hold you.”
She swatted a tear away. “You really said all of that?”
“Well, except for that last part, I just added that.” I swore under my breath and wiped my eyes. “Ali, I didn’t know you were pregnant when I said all of that. And if you give me one more chance, justone more, I vow to never ever make excuses or keep my thoughts or feelings from you ever again, okay? I’m saying it all, no matter what. Unless…” I swallowed hard. “Unless you don’t want that anymore. Unless I ruined it for good.”
She rolled her lips together, struggling to contain emotion as she shook her head no. My whole body went numb.
I wrecked it. I wrecked us beyond repair.
“You c-can’t,” she stuttered. Her face broke with tears and myheart dropped. I stared at the fat snowflakes that completely covered my windshield, wondering how I’d ever be able to move from this spot.
Her soft hand came up to hold my cheek, pulling my forehead to hers. “You can’t ruin it, JP.” Her lips twisted into a bittersweet smile as more tears filled her eyes. “You can’t ruin it with the right person.”
“I’m the right person?” My voice came out so thick I barely recognized it.
Her eyes softened. “You’ve always been the right person, JP.”
Our lips crashed together.
The kiss was equal parts frantic and passionate. I never wanted it to end, but I also wanted more.
“Inside?” I whispered against her lips, and she nodded hurriedly.
Hopping out of my truck, I ran around the hood to get to her, almost slipping on the icy driveway in the process. I just didn’t want to be away from her for even a second.
As soon as I reached her, I hoisted her up in my arms, making her laugh.
By the time we reached Colt’s porch, her hair and eyelashes were completely covered in snowflakes.
After entering the dark, silent foyer, I carefully closed the door behind us, trying hard not to wake anyone. We both quietly ripped off our shoes and jackets, then I was picking her up, holding her against the wall, pushing into another kiss. I loved feeling her smile against my lips. Her legs immediately wrapped around me as I pressed deeper into the kiss. All I saw was her, all I felt was her.
“Finally,” I murmured against her skin. I couldn't help it. I wasn’t holding back my thoughts or feelings from her ever again.
