“Don’t worry. I’ll be here waiting for her. I’m not leaving.”
I had to fix her window anyway… and get a couple other things lined up for when she returned home…
As Nick put it– I had to at least try.
____
Inside their apartment, I looked around at all Nick’s shit laying everywhere and knew I needed to do something about it. His letter told me to trust my gut, right? And it couldn’t be healthy for her to be keeping this entire place as a shrine to him… I’d understand one room… but she had to come back and actually live in this space. I knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t hate me for this. She probably needed someone else to push her to do it… just like driving.
It was almost nine at night when I finally received a text from her asking me to come back to the hospital.
I would’ve gone back to her before Nick’s request, but now I didn’t feel guilty about going. I didn’t feel guilty about being there for her, and I thanked Nick again for helping me with that. He wanted her to move on. He didn’t want her to stay lonely and pining after him. And he wouldn’t hate it if she chose me this time around…
I quickly packed some of her clothes in my backpack and made my way to thehospital…
––––––
She wasn’t being released like I thought… She was still being heavily monitored, and she still had an IV hooked into her arm, so I wasn’t sure why she called me back…
“Sav-”
“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly, looking sheepish. “I acted like a five-year-old.”
“It’s okay,” I chuckled. “You did not. You’re going through some toughshit.”
“I just…” She teared up again and she quickly swiped at her eyes. “God. I hate crying in front of people and now I feel like I do it all the time,” she joked.
I pulled the corner chair closer and sat down.
“I don’t count as ‘people,’” I said, using air-quotes. “And it’s okay. It happens to the best of us. I just cried in front of Coach Petersen today,” I admitted.
She looked taken aback. “Why?”
I shrugged. “Nick left my name to clean his locker out for him. He prolly didn’t want you seeing how messy he left it. Smelled like shit, I’ll tell ya that much.”
“Of course it did,” she said, giving me a sad smile.
I patted her leg. “Seems like you’re feelin better?” She definitely looked and sounded more like her old self.
She put her hand to her lower stomach and sighed. “I’m feeling some type of way…”
I waited for her to expand on that… I was afraid if I interrupted her, she wouldn’t tell me.
“Embarrassed for one, because I’m about two months pregnant and had no clue. I was sick for a while, but after Nick… I just thought I was upset…” she said weakly.
I patted her hand. It wasn’t her fault. Hell, I was in a drunk stupor for about a solid week after I heard the news.
“And… I feel guilty for feeling happy?” Her voice went higher-pitched at the end.
I shook my head no and immediately wondered if I should show her Nick’s note… He wanted her to be happy… Then again, how would she take his line about regret? Maybe it was all too soon and too raw for her to see that? I needed time to think it over.
“But it feels like now I still have this little part of him still.” She searched my eyes for an answer. “I’m kind of afraid of doing it all alone. I know that I can… It’s just… Can you just stay with me tonight?”
“Always, Sav.”
“I’m prolly gonna leave the lights or the tv on though…” she warned me with a cringe.
I cracked a smile at that, feeling relieved some things hadn’t changed. When she would visit me at college once or twice a year, she’d always stay on my futon and keep the tv on all night. At first, I thought she would just forget to turn it off and it kinda annoyed me. After a while, I realized it was her nightlight, and then it just made me chuckle.
