“Can you believe we did it?” she squeaked out quietly with a big smile on her face as she pulled her leggings down slightly to reveal her hip.
I swallowed hard and fought the urge to keep looking at the little bit of pink panty material peepingout.
“Uh, yeah. Cool,” I offered kinda lamely.
Nick walked into the room then, coming up behind her, and raised his arm up into a muscle curl revealing his bicep which now read: Savannah.
They were truly each other’s number one fans.
And I was happy for them.
I just hoped I’d find someone who’d love me as much as she loved Nick oneday…
25. Sav
One month later - Wynn State
When you start a new chapter of your life, you always think you’re going into a better situation than the one you leftbehind…
Now that reality hit, I felt stupid for ever thinking that.
Sitting in my crappy 10-by-10-foot room that I shared with a girl who seemingly despised me for some reason, I realized I had it almost perfect back home, and I regretted leaving. The only thing missing last year was Nick… And I went and traded in that life for having Nick to myself only two nights a week and then literally hating every otherminute…
I hated my classes. They were all business gen-eds and I felt way behind everyone else…
I hated my roommate– she took one look at me, rolled her eyes, lit up what I think was a joint? and then walked out…
And I hated that I hated it here because I felt like a failure. I looked forward to this part of my life for so long, but I just felt emptyhere…
I missed Duke fiercely too. I missed being able to watch his games and practices… and I felt so weirded out when he told me stories and I no longer knew the names of all the kids on histeam…
What was probably the most surprising: I missed skating. I took college as a free pass to exit the sport. It truly was an easy out- a way to quit, but not label myself a quitter… But it only took me about a month to regret not bringing my skates here with me.
The other problem: without skating I lost all structure in my day and I was finding zero motivation to workout…
My daily routine became going to classes that I despised and then sitting in this tiny room and eating. And I didn’t just eat… Nope. I binged. No one was watching me or telling me that I couldn’t… And the looming threat of Victoria shaming me was gone… So why the hell not? Only now, I just felt shitty all the time… and I didn’t know how to stop it. I had no clue how to balance because I’d been on the same schedule my entire life. I was sure this happened to all athletes once they slowed down; the guys just didn’t have to go through it yet because they were still playing. So, I was stuck all alone on this horrible roller coaster ride and couldn’t get off.
Nick came over each Tuesday night because that was his only free night… and I’d go to his home games on the weekends, and we’d have the rest of the night after that… but we usually got roped into joining his teammates out at bars. He would end up being with the guys the whole time, and I’d be with the other girlfriends and wives. This was all good and fine, but it wasn’t ‘us’ time.
I didn’t want to ruin our little time together and I hated complaining to him, so I never brought up these issues… but I felt like I was drowning.
I told Griff a little about it on the phone, and he tried to help. He suggested some clubs he had on his campus that were probably here too… I forced myself to go, but at every meeting I felt glued to the wall. I was too nervous to open my mouth and risk saying anything stupid… and I didn’t feel like continually putting myself out there only to get shut down by upperclassmen who thought they needed to “keep freshmen in their place.” I felt like shouting out, “what place is that?! Please, let a girl know!” But I just sat there silently instead…
So when Nick called as I checked my grades for the first time– which were all almost failing– I dropped my phone and screamed into my pillow.
“Babe, what happened? What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding alarmed.
I fumbled to pick up my phone, and then I blurted out: “I hateit!”
“Hate what? You have to give me more than that,” he said in a gentlertone.
“I hate ithere, Nick. I’ve been trying, but I just can’t stand it.”
“Okay, you’re overwhelmed, babe. Let’s tackle one thing at a time.”
“You don’thavetime!” I cried. That was the other problem. He was always busy or gone for roadie games and I was stuck here by myself. I knew that wasn’t his fault… I just thought this year would be… different.
“I am kicking off my shoes and laying down in this hotel bed and we’re going to figure everything out, okay? You have my full attention.”
