That felt like a punch to the gut. I had wanted that so badly. But we had to find a way to move past it. We both needed to forgive each other and ourselves for what had happened when we were so young.
“Hey…c’mere,” I patted the bed next to me up by the headboard.
He didn’t budge. He was not done with the topic.
“I don’t know how that happened Jules. I keep reliving it. I have been for the past nine years. I tried so hard to see you after the accident and then I went back to your house and everything was gone. It was like you turned into a ghost. I called like crazy – no response. I had no clue where the in the world you were. I figured if you wanted to be with me, you’d find me. It’s not like I was that hard to find.” His chest was rising and falling quickly.
I smoothed the bed in front of me.
“I had to leave because everything reminded me of our relationship. My phone was wrecked in the accident, but my new one was my same number…all I got were those breakup texts that said we were bad for each other...and to ‘just stop.’”
I stopped then, realizing what I’d just said. His head snapped to meet mine then. He realized it too.
“You weren’t given the same phone back?” He asked. His face turned dark, looking ready to murder.
“Who the FUCK,” He roared, “gave you a new phone?” He demanded as much as he questioned. I’d never seen him so angry before, and it shocked me. It seemed he was angry at me…
“I.. D-don’t,” I stammered, trying to search through my memory while he paced the room like an angry lion.
He slammed both hands against the door, then held his cast against his chest, “Ow, fuck.”
I was frozen, staring at him and how affected he was. He was such a large and powerful man, but I’d never seen him exert any type of force off the ice. Had his gentleness been replaced with violence? I wanted, no, needed to live the rest of my life in peace.
He turned and saw the shock in my eyes and regret washed over his.
“Jules, Baby, I’m sorry…”
I shook my head at him and tried to clear my throat.
“It’s okay… it just doesn’t matter anymore. Who’s at fault, I mean. Because we made it back to here. Just please don’t…please don’t...” I almost cried as I said it and I hated myself for sounding so scared.
He nodded like a little boy being shamed and he came to kneel in front of me.
“I promise, I won’t. I don’t want to be apart. Do you still want everything with me?” his eyes pleaded with me.
I knew deep down that I could never say no to him.
I traced his jawline like I’d done hundreds of times. He closed his eyes and turned his cheek to kiss my hand.
“Want to join our pancake breakfast tradition tomorrow?”
Chapter Thirty-four: Jules- Present
I looked over at a sleeping Grey. He was such a handsome guy. His strong, razor-sharp jawline covered in scruff contrasted with how at peace he looked in his sleep.
I smoothed a finger over his eyebrow with the hole in it. He had such a tough exterior, but he was filled with compassion and love. I’d learned so much by the fact that he was here. Yes, we had broken up and it wasn’t either of our faults. But he didn’t have a child with someone else… I had. That did change things. My child would come before him. He had to know that.
But this. This kind of morning was a dream come true to me. Canyon sleeping comfortably in his room down the hall. And this man, with his arm draped over my stomach making me feel cherished and deserving. It brought tears to my eyes. It seemed he always wanted to be touching me these last few days, and that was alright with me. We had time to make up for. And I wanted to belong with him.
He had to leave my bed soon though. I didn’t want Canyon knowing he was sleeping over...
I wasn’t sure what Canyon thought was going on. I myself didn’t really know. We hadn’t talked about titles… it didn’t seem right to just call him my boyfriend at this point. He meant so much more to me. In my head I’d always called him the one, my soul mate. But I couldn’t come to say that to him in fear that it would scare him away. I wasn’t sure where his head was exactly. I knew he wanted to be with me… but would he want to be a family? I didn’t want to introduce him into Canyon’s life as something more than a coach or friend just to have that change potentially down the line. Canyon had already had so much interruption and adjustment in his little life so far, and I still wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle another adjustment of that kind either…
But Canyon had to notice that Grey had been spending a lot of time with us these past few days. He just didn’t know that Grey was staying the night.
The first night Grey had stayed over I whispered to him that he needed to leave and the bonehead just didn’t understand.
I pulled him away from the COD video game he’d been playing with Canyon and Smitty on the couch. Ashlie was mad at Smitty for some reason and he was apparently hiding out here. I could hear Max, and little Troy in the background, who they were playing against.
