I shake my head. “They didn’t have to. They’ve been avoiding my cake like I’m a leper.”
A huge, inappropriate grin dawns on his face, and he relaxes into the couch. “Marissa, baby.” He sighs and runs his hand over his head. “The cake you bought… It’s a boozy cake, soaked in rum. We’re all recovering addicts here, or sober for other reasons.”
My hand flies to my mouth. “That’s why Bev marked it.”
He nods sheepishly. “Most of us find the scent and taste of alcohol triggering, and we avoid it. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to say anything at the bakery earlier because you were so happy when you got the last one. I knew the club would be cool about it. I was too focused on making sure you have a great time meeting everyone, with no stress, but I made it worse.”
“No, I’m sorry! I knew you were a recovering alcoholic, but my mind never made the connection between the cake and that. You even asked me not to bring booze into your home! Shit.”
I feel like an idiot. An idiot who’s crying again.
“Hey,” he chastises me gently as he intertwines his fingers with mine. “Don’t beat yourself up. It’s an understandable oversight.”
“Promise to tell me next time I do something like this?”
“I promise,” he says and lifts my hand to his lips.
“It’s all so much,” I say through the tears.
“I can imagine. New house, new people, a whole new life.”
“I feel so alone all of a sudden.”
“You have me, Marissa. You have the twins; they’re your biggest champions. And Bev already looks like she wants to adopt you.”
That makes me smile, but he’s not done.
“And you do belong, and we all want you here. You know why? You’re just like us, you’re brave, you’re someone who’s a helper. Someone who thought of others even in what she believed might be her dying hour.”
I don’t wanna cry again, so I bury my nose in DJ’s neck and breathe.
“Thank you,” I whisper, and Hawk simply nods.
“I’ll be waiting for you outside, whenever you’re ready.”
I soon go back out and approach Hawk, who seems to be getting a scolding from Bev. I apologize for the cake misunderstanding, and she tells me I’m not the first person that kind of thing has happened to.
“Not all of us are battling addiction,” she explains. “Some, like myself, are partners of recovering addicts. Some, like Uncle and the twins, are adult children of addicts and live a sober lifestyle because of that. And some, like Subhi and Arjun, avoid alcohol and drugs due to religious prohibitions. The one thing we all have in common is that we’ve made our fair share of mistakes, and an honest mistake is nothing to be ashamed of.”
My nose stings again, but I resist the desire to cry. Is this what Hawk was talking about when he spoke of emotional aftershocks? This entire day has been such a rollercoaster that I don’t think a week in bed would be enough to recover.
“Okay, I’m hungry,” I say and hand DJ to Hawk before I embark on my second attempt at getting some food, and I don’t think much about it until I hear him tell Bev, ”This is the first time I’m holding him.”
The awe in his voice almost makes me drop my plate. I turn around, and my heart melts at the sight of big, bald, mean-looking Hawk, awkwardly holding my darling son.
Red and Bev are beaming at him proudly in between trying to make DJ laugh.
My son and I could be happy here, I think.
For the first time in a long time, I allow myself to hope.
Chapter 16
Marissa
On my first night at Hawk’s place, I slept like a log. I don’t know if it was the exhaustion and stress of the move, the information overload and excitement of meeting everyone, or the amazing mattress, but I don’t wake up until 8, and even then, DJ has to start crying for me to realize he’s been up for a while.
The bright house lets me fully savour the warmth and light of late March. Hawk is in the kitchen, standing at the stove in what I assume are his gym clothes, with the news blaring on the TV. When he notices our arrival, he lowers the volume.
