“It’s my time, my field,” I tell her, shrugging. “And I just need five minutes.”
She scoffs. “You had five hours the other night.”
I flinch at the malice in her tone. “I know. I just... I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She doesn’t soften at my admission. “That’s not my problem.”
“I know it’s selfish,” I admit. “But I keep seeing you in my head. Not just that night. Years ago, too. Your laugh. The way you used to look at me when I was being an idiot.”
Hendrix looks away from me, but I can see the pain filling her wide chocolate eyes. “You were always adept at remembering the parts that made you feel good.”
I step closer to her slowly, like I’m approaching a cornered animal. Based on the way she’s glaring at me, I might as well be. “I remember the bad parts too. I remember leaving. I remember your face when we last saw each other back then.”
Hendrix swallows slowly, looking away from me again.
“I’m not asking you for anything,” I tell her. “I just needed you to know that I still feel it. That I never really stopped. The other night was just another reminder for me how good we are together. And how much I truly do miss you.”
It’s her turn to take a step in my direction. “And what I am supposed to do with that?”
“I don’t know.” I fumble over my words; I hadn’t thought this far ahead. I just knew I needed to see her. “But I had to say it.”
She nods sharply, once. “Is that all you wanted to say?”
It’s my turn to swallow audibly. “No, yes.” I run both hands through my hair and sigh. “I don’t know. I just don’t want the other night to be a one-time thing. I think the only thing thatshouldn’t have happened was you telling me to forget about it. That was the part that kills me and that I can’t get past.”
“You are so typical,” she spits out at me. “You are only thinking about how this would be for you. And what this means for you. What about me?” she roars.
I freeze, unsure of how to answer her. So, I shoot for honesty. “I hadn’t thought about it. I’m sorry, Hen.”
“It’s obvious that you hadn’t, August. And I can’t even fault you for it because it’s how you’ve been since the day I met you. You were only worried aboutyou,” her finger jabs forward in the direction of my chest. “I have just as much to lose this time as I did last time, if not more. The only difference is I know you will not stick it out with me.I knowyou will bail on me. I can’t go through that again.”
I step forward and reach for the ponytail behind her and gently pull it forward so that the chocolate waves are falling over her shoulder. “You thinkIwant to go through that again? Because I don’t. I think if we’re both brave enough to try, where could it go wrong?”
She smiles, really smiles at me. The same bright smile that I saw on her face that night. The night she let me hold her, kiss her and have her body again. A feeling of hope rises up in my chest. I want to hold onto that as long as I can. As soon as it bubbles up, her tight eyes tell me she just might be smashing it.
“So, so much could go wrong, August. And because you refuse to see that or even acknowledge it tells me that you are still the same selfish person you’ve always been.” I start to speak but she holds her hand up to silence me. When she does speak again, her voice is low and softer than before. “We are better as a memory. Trust me on this one, August. You’re just lonely and bored. The other night was just a sad time out. Fun as it was, it’s not happening again. I’m sorry.”
Hendrix looks around for the first time, really looks around like she’s making sure everyone is gone and no one is witnessing our little exchange.
“I like the life I’ve built here, August, and I won’t let you blow up my life again. I can’t, I’m sorry.”
With that she picks up her gear from the turf and struts into the locker room.
I hear a throat clear behind me. I turn around to see Jase standing there.
“How much of that did you hear?” I ask him. He’s caught me at a disadvantage right now and I kinda hate that. I thought everyone was gone. I was sure when he left her on the turf, he was headed for his office and eventually home.
“Just the parts where she called you selfish and said the two of you are better as a memory.” He appraises me for a moment before asking, “What did she mean by that?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t really wanna talk about it.”
I feel like an ass. If Dex had found us, we would have dissected her words, but with Jase, I can’t. I can’t be that vulnerable with him.
“Okay,” he says, nodding. “Just do me a favor, mate, don’t fuck with her head before playoffs. I need my keeper clear-headed and ready to rock, okay?”
“Sure, man, no problem,” I reply, feeling like a complete and utter asshole.
“And if you decide you wanna talk about it, I’m here. I’ll listen and I won’t judge. I’m pretty good at that shit.” He pats me on the back. “I’ll see ya later.”
