“Good for you guys. I’m going back out. I’ll believe all that crap about him keeping promises when he finds my mother.”
“Don’t go far.”
“Relax. I’m going to the porch.”
I storm out and take a while to get myself under control. I never should’ve talked to Daniel like that. He’s as dangerous as the men who used to spy on me and who shaped my life back when I was little. They’re all dangerous, and if I don’t learn to shut my mouth, one day they’ll decide I’m too much trouble.
But to hell with that. Let them think I’m a pain in the ass. I’m the money, right? Gabe can’t win his war without me. Which means I’m too useful to toss aside.
Which means I have freaking leverage.
That’s all this has ever been, right? A business deal. I grip the edge of the railing and look out at the sea.
I’m only a bank account to him.
Tears drip down my face. I hate myself for it. Why cry for a man like Gabriel? He killed my father and didn’t bother to tell me about it. I had to find out from my crazy cousin. What’s the point of anything? Why should I talk to Gabe ever again?
I’ve been avoiding him for four days. I can keep on doing it until I’m dead.
Dayfive and it’s raining. I trudge along the sludgy, wet sand, struggling along the coast. Daniel and Hulk follow, looking miserable. A sick part of me is happy they’re suffering as much as I am. Back at the house, Gabe’s been stomping around, getting ready for something. He tried to talk to me, but I let the slamming back door act as my only reply.
It’s better this way. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but so what? I can’t keep on drifting through life letting men like Gabriel and my father and my cousin drag me along in their wake, shove me in whatever direction they want, yank me by the hair until I’m docile and compliant. I should let this be who I am. Ugly, angry, and borderline unstable. I’m tempted to scream into the wind, but that would only make Daniel and Hulk rush over to make sure I’m not about to drown myself.
I can’t write checks if I’m dead.
“Nika!” Daniel shouts at me, hand cupped around his mouth. “We should go back!”
I ignore him and walk on. I still have more space. It’s not time to turn back. But the wind’s coming up faster from the sea and the waves are getting ugly. The clouds are black and thick in the sky.
“Nika, lightning!” Daniel’s waving and running toward me. The thunder rolls a moment later. Light flickers out over the ocean, but it’s coming toward us. “Come on, we have to go back!”
I start sprinting. I run hard, feet kicking sand, heading toward the invisible line I’m not supposed to cross. I know this is stupid and childish. The beach is dangerous in a lightning storm. I’mthe tallest point by far, but I can’t make myself care. I run harder, water streaming down my face as the sky opens up, the wind blowing furiously. Behind me, Daniel’s shouting, and I’m sure they’re chasing, but I got a head start and I’m determined to see what’s up ahead.
The beach turns. The sky flashes. Daniel and Hulk fall back, waving their arms, shouting but the noise is lost in the wind. I keep going, going, going, disobeying the rules, taking a stupid risk, doing all the things I’m not supposed to do. I feel wretched and broken. My relationship is dead before it started. I gave that man a piece of me, I let him make me start to hope we could build an actual life together, and now it feels like all that’s ruined. More lightning, more thunder, and there are people in a house nearby waving at me. The nice people in their white trousers who usually pretend like I’m a ghost. Waving and yelling that I should get off the sand.
Nothing stops me. I keep going, further than I’ve ever gone, off our property now, running until my lungs feel like they’re going to break, gasping and desperate for air but still going, until up ahead a person comes storming down from the dunes, a man in a black suit. He throws his jacket off, letting it drift into the sand, and comes at me, his white dress shirt plastered to his beautiful chest, rain soaking his hair and his slacks.
I slow, breathing hard, teeth clenched. Thunder screams and lightning strikes the ocean fifty feet away.
Gabe stands in front of me, his teeth gritted.
“We have to get off the beach,” he shouts over the wind.
“You lied to me!” I don’t move, daring him to stay with me. “You should have told me!”
His face twists like I stabbed him in the guts. “You’re right.”
I hate him for that. I want him to argue, to make excuses. I need him to act like I’m stupid or crazy for being this upset, but he doesn’t. Instead, his expression is a bleak mask of pain, like this is hurting him as much as it’s hurting me. I’ve never seen him look so distraught before.
“That doesn’t make it better!”
“I know, Nika. I should have told you from the start.”
“Why didn’t you?!”
“I thought you’d hate me, but I needed you, right up until I realized how badly I wanted you too. By then it was too late. We were too far.”
“You’re a coward.”
